I envy my neighbours (children of good parents)

[noname223]

Every time I close the blinds at my window I see the house of my neighbors. They have a big modern house 2 childen approxiametly 12 years old. They have a nice car and a big TV which shines in the evening so much that I see what they are watching. (I am not a voyeur I just see it when I am at my window)

I envy people with normal parents (I don't want children don't misunderstand me). I do not like children. They remind me of my horrible childhood. I had no chance only terror. It was so bad my sister also got severly mentally ill. My parents are extremely stupid. I have explained my situation to my dad 1000 thousand times either he es too dumb or too ignorant. I think both. He just does not get it.
At college I am have one friend. I am pretty sure his dad is a psychology professor. (He did not say it openly.) I have heard how he got nurtured. It sounded pretty awesome. I had often contact with highly successful dads. Like professors, doctors and so on. They support their children in order that they get successful and happy. I am so envy of that. If this was a race my parents would have amputated my both legs and spit in my face. They destroyed my soul. This will never heal.
You know if you get abused/mistreated from the age of 5 you think this is normal. You think every child would get mistreated. You don't get this is not normal because you don't know another reality.
It is just so sad. I am so bitter and I currently have so many problems. I am so sick of it.

 

[rationaltake]

I understand. My parents were abusive. Take care

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I know what you mean. All I ever wanted was a normal life with normal parents. It used to trigger me seeing happy families smiling and laughing together in public. These days it doesn't even bother me.

Some people are just unfit to be parents. No amount of excuses like "I tried my best" or "others have it worse than you" will make up for the years of torment and abuse. The worse part is everyone else starts to mistreat you as well. People have a scary ability to sense weakness. They will suck your veins dry then crack your bones and lick out the marrow.

It is really hard to overcome childhood abuse and neglect. I am going to ctb very soon and I want to go in peace. But apart of me is still holding onto bitter resentment over my shitty parents. I know how you feel. It sucks.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course life is very unfair. Many people are disadvantaged right from the start through no fault of their own. That is why I see it as being better to never be born in the first place, as if you do not exist, you are incapable of suffering. It is understandable why you would be bitter. Living is painful when you have so many problems. I wish you the best.