I don't want to live. But I don't want to die. Fuck.

[LostHope556]

I'm sitting here, been doing cocaine all night. Drinking too.

Do I usually do this? Nah, not really, but tonight? I just wanted to have a break. To have a break from the hell.

I know why everything is hell. My childhood. The monsters who were my "caretakers".

That doesn't make anything better now does it?


I've played with suicide since 7 years old. I'm 29 now....

Sooner or later it will come time.

I'm closer to the life I've dreamed for than ever before now (on paper).

But in reality, it seems potentially worlds away.


If you read this, thank you for taking the time to hear out another waste of space.

Love you all. I'm sorry you're here. I'm sorry we're all here.

 

[getoutgirl]

I'm sorry you are going through that too. If a part of you doesn't want to die and feels closer than ever to that future you wanted I'd suggest you try and hang in there for a while at least.
Not saying that's easy obviously, it's pain all around and I know that. I hope it gets easier for you is all <3
thank You for sharing that and getting it out. Hope you are getting the help and support for your trauma too