Unfortunately that is the price of suicide if you have loved ones. They will be hurt. Even if you only disappear to them, they will still be hurt.
It's only unavoidable if you have loved ones that understand and can sympathize/empathize with your pain.
I have a good friend who doesn't want me to die. But she understands why I want to. And we've talked about it. She wouldn't stop me if I reach a point where to me it needs to happen. But that's very rare.
People are conditioned to blindly opposed suicide. Mostly because of capitalism, buts that's another discussion.
You need to do a cost benefit analysis. Decide where your needs truly lie. Because suicide at the end of the day, is self care. In a very non conventional way.
Can you keep going for her, or is that not enough. That's the question.
I've reached a point where suicide is off the table as long as my partner is in my life. I hate that and I still want to die everyday. But for me, I wouldn't be able to leave peacefully knowing what I was leaving him to.
That's my rock and hard place. It sucks. I resent him a little bit for loving me because it keeps me trapped here. But I love him and in a rare moment of agreement between me, my body and my mind, until he's gone, we remain.
Or at least until I can access assisted suicide.
But I understand the struggle. But unless you have that rare person that sees your pain and understands why suicide is your correct solution, hurting loved ones is unavoidable. Either from the death or if you go somewhere you can't be found, then from the never knowing what happened to you.
I'm sorry. Being kept here by another person's love is torture. Not intentional torture, but torture all the same and I'm so sorry.
