I don't want to give the people who bullied me the satisfaction that I ctb'd

[Busticket]

I decided recently that I will not ctb until I will be old in about 40 years (I am now nearly 30).
One of the reasons is not to give those who bullied me in school and in the army the satisfaction that I ctb'd if they will hear about my ctb.
I know that they will grin and laugh about it.
I WILL NOT GIVE THEM that satisfaction.
Fuck them, I am too stubborn and I hate them too much to give them that pleasure.

 

[nopointofliving]

Hello friend,

10 years is a long period, and you can achieve many things in this time. Stay focused and determined to improve one of your skills for 1-3 hours daily. They will be so jealous seeing you excelling in a field in life. It won't be an easy journey, is it worth it? I don't know.. I see life so pointless, I'm in deep pain as well. Yet I'm breathing, I don't know how.

I'm in a recovery for a month, if you wish you can join me, we encourage and support each other. But I'm not sure whether or not I''d stay here after a month.

I feel the pain my friend, I feel it..

 

[Insomniac]

the worst thing about life is that cruel people win anyway... most of the girls who were mean to me at school have much more decent lives that me today

 

[Fehler]

I'm not in your shoes and it must be difficult to forget everything and leave hatred behind, try to leave those pieces of shit behind and that they are not your reason to continue alive.
It is not the healthiest method and perhaps it is something childish but in my case I punctured the car wheel 5 times in 1 month and a half...was it something immature? Yes. I was satisfied? Oh yeah.

 

[noname223]

I was bullied too in school. I think they won't hear about my suicide. And even if I will be dead and free. I rather feel not comfortable to meet one of them today and being asked what I am doing now...

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

The truth is they've probably moved on with their lives and forgot all about what happened, you're not the main character in their story.

You get bullied and the trauma lingers all your life, but your bullies continue living as if nothing happened, because to them it wasn't a big deal - just kids being kids, doing stupid shit.
Add that to the pile of reasons why our species suck ass,

 

[The Lonely]

I decided recently that I will not ctb until I will be old in about 40 years (I am now nearly 30).
One of the reasons is not to give those who bullied me in school and in the army the satisfaction that I ctb'd if they will hear about my ctb.
I know that they will grin and laugh about it.
I WILL NOT GIVE THEM that satisfaction.
Fuck them, I am too stubborn and I hate them too much to give them that pleasure.

That's what I'm fighting with too.

I have relatives even praying for me to desapear $$.

The thing is that I'm almost 40(…)

 

[Huntfish34]

I'm sorry you're going through this,. Really sucks. But I'd have to agree with a few of the comments on here. They probably don't remember what they did and even if they do,. I'll be dead and Gone.

If.. they did find out I Ctb and decide to grin , smile, laugh at me or w/e.. Well then that's just Fiine. They have to live with themselves in the long run, I Don't. Fuck'em !

 

[FuneralCry]

Bullying can be an awful thing, people can be so cruel. We are cursed with never being able to forget anything either, so it can affect us in later life. I agree with the others who said the bullies have probably forgotten what they have done. It is an unfair world.

 

[lofticries]

I've had so many bullies I can't even remember the faces or names. I'll probably continue to have bullies in my life time since for some fucking reason being quiet makes you a bully magnet. But I refuse to ctb for anyone but myself.

I'm glad you've decided not to ctb atm op. No bully is worth it.

 

[Weary Soul]

If they grin and are satisfied that you actually end your life because of their treatment towards you, then they are truly sociopathic.

That behavior speaks more to who they are (and how truly horrific they are), than who you are.

I am sorry your were bullied so badly. I too was bullied and it marked me for life.

I kinda feel like I have a tatoo on my psyche/soul that says I am not worth anything because of how they treated me. And, realistically/logically this is such a backwards viewpoint.

It was not that there was something wrong with me, it was that here is something really wrong with them to behave in such a cruel manner in the first place.

<3

 

[The Lonely]

I'm sorry you're going through this,. Really sucks. But I'd have to agree with a few of the comments on here. They probably don't remember what they did and even if they do,. I'll be dead and Gone.

If.. they did find out I Ctb and decide to grin , smile, laugh at me or w/e.. Well then that's just Fiine. They have to live with themselves in the long run, I Don't. Fuck'em !

If you are lucky enough to live in a small town it just sticks in you. (Since everyone knows who is who).

I moved away and lived 6 good years out of this.

THEN, I made the stupid mistake of moving back believing in(…) whatever.

So, at this point it's almost 40 years (minus 6) of bullying, and counting… Don't recommend.

 

[alwaysSuffering]

I can totally relate. I live next to a sociopath nextdoor neighbor who has harassed me for 14 years. If I kill myself, he'll surely notice when authorities remove my body from my house and he'll have a party. Even if I kill myself outside of my house, somewhere else, he'll notice when people come to clean out my house. I hate to give him that satisfaction but I don't want to spend the rest of my life in misery either.

 

[Zinz]

Its always up to you and i'm glad you found something to hang on for even if its out of spite.
I personally hate what people will say once I go as well but its something to work past. But if you've found a reason then you're doing better than most.

 

[The Lonely]

I can totally relate. I live next to a sociopath nextdoor neighbor who has harassed me for 14 years. If I kill myself, he'll surely notice when authorities remove my body from my house and he'll have a party. Even if I kill myself outside of my house, somewhere else, he'll notice when people come to clean out my house. I hate to give him that satisfaction but I don't want to spend the rest of my life in misery either.

I totally understand!
My case got so bizarre that I don't have neighbors anymore!

I'm living alone in this 4° floor building for years because no one wants to live near me…(small town). :/

I will give them a good reason for not willing to move here soon!