Venting i dont want to get better. i dont want to participate in life

[mango000]

im sure there are many of you who would do anything to have a happy life, so im very sorry if this comes across as insensitive. but i dont want to get better, i dont want to recover, i dont want to have to get up in the morning and work to survive for the rest of my life. its all just too much for me. i truly dont think im cut out for this world at all, id really just rather not be in it…

i didnt ask to be born, so why is it expected that i have to suffer for the rest of my life? even if i somehow achieve true happiness someday, i dont think it will have been worth it for me. every single day, im just waiting for the day to end so i can go to sleep. its all i look forward to. all of my hobbies, the things i love doing, i only do them to help pass the time so i can get to the end of the day faster. i think to myself, whats even the point? all i want to do is sleep, and the idea of CTBing and not having to do anything anymore sounds so wonderful to me. endless sleep that i never have to wake up from, nothing sounds more peaceful. no more expectations that i didnt ask for, no more responsibilities that i didnt ask for, all of it washed away.

i think when i CTB id love to do it in my bed, feeling my soft pillows and blankets one last time, knowing that i never have to worry about living ever again. its honestly all i want.

thanks for reading. feel free to give your thoughts if youd like, i enjoy reading them

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

This is so real, so don't worry. Also, there are people who relate to you. Being better in this world don't exist and being forced to just makes it worse, because we are seldomly aware of the reality especially as we lived it hoping to find hope and we just now that nothing is ever gonna be better and those far lost are aware of it but their joy has been succumbed to the horror that was life that they can't be heard. It's a pain knowing this world is like this. No amount of money will change my mind especially when the memories exist to want me to be kept out of this world. If the world doesn't change, what point is there to live anyways? CTB is much more better than whatever this world is…

 

[Hotsackage]

Ya when you've been through hell, it's hard to see thebm brightside in anything

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand, I just wish to not exist as well, I'd personally never wish to exist and I wish this existence was never imposed more than anything, I find it deeply undesirable to exist and I was never meant for any of this. I find it such a cruel, futile burden having to exist at all, I personally see no benefit to the pointless suffering of human existence rather I just wish to sleep eternally instead, eternal sleep really would solve everything for me, I'd be so relieved to never exist ever again. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.

 

[divinemistress36]

Understandable . It takes a ton of work to recover and it isnt guaranteed that someone will its a lie we have been fed that if you just try hard enough you will get better I've tried so many methods to recover and I have recovered from physical pain but theres still mental and cognitive issues. Its up to the person if they want to try to put the work in or not

 

[ijustwishtodie]

This isn't insensitive, it's realistic. I personally don't even like the word recovery because there is nothing wrong with me for being suicidal. There isn't anything that I need to "recover" from aside from life which I can only recover from by death. I don't have any interest in going through with the human experience and perpetually surviving and being in misery for no gain at all. It's all so pointless to me but at the same time so harmful to me. Life itself is harmful to me

 

[mango000]

This isn't insensitive, it's realistic. I personally don't even like the word recovery because there is nothing wrong with me for being suicidal. There isn't anything that I need to "recover" from aside from life which I can only recover from by death. I don't have any interest in going through with the human experience and perpetually surviving and being in misery for no gain at all. It's all so pointless to me but at the same time so harmful to me. Life itself is harmful to me

i feel a very similar way, im glad im not alone

 

[TheHolySword]

If I could be happy, I would love to. But I can't be happy. I'm tired of trying to be better, trying to be helped. I don't want this anymore. Things don't just get better because people want them to for me. I'm not going to be okay just because people want me to be. Life is over for me.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

This isn't insensitive, it's realistic. I personally don't even like the word recovery because there is nothing wrong with me for being suicidal. There isn't anything that I need to "recover" from aside from life which I can only recover from by death. I don't have any interest in going through with the human experience and perpetually surviving and being in misery for no gain at all. It's all so pointless to me but at the same time so harmful to me. Life itself is harmful to me

Fuck yeah to this comment! The proof have never been on point! We aren't the problem, we are the reality of what this world has done to us, like how someone learns shit and grows from that. Everyone is a product of something, no one but a baby is born without that, yet they get to choose out or to be born…

 

[theshund]

im sure there are many of you who would do anything to have a happy life, so im very sorry if this comes across as insensitive. but i dont want to get better, i dont want to recover, i dont want to have to get up in the morning and work to survive for the rest of my life. its all just too much for me. i truly dont think im cut out for this world at all, id really just rather not be in it…

i didnt ask to be born, so why is it expected that i have to suffer for the rest of my life? even if i somehow achieve true happiness someday, i dont think it will have been worth it for me. every single day, im just waiting for the day to end so i can go to sleep. its all i look forward to. all of my hobbies, the things i love doing, i only do them to help pass the time so i can get to the end of the day faster. i think to myself, whats even the point? all i want to do is sleep, and the idea of CTBing and not having to do anything anymore sounds so wonderful to me. endless sleep that i never have to wake up from, nothing sounds more peaceful. no more expectations that i didnt ask for, no more responsibilities that i didnt ask for, all of it washed away.

i think when i CTB id love to do it in my bed, feeling my soft pillows and blankets one last time, knowing that i never have to worry about living ever again. its honestly all i want.

thanks for reading. feel free to give your thoughts if youd like, i enjoy reading them

Sounds a lot like you are clinically depressed. Antidepressants might help. Speak to your doctor.

I've been there and many others have too. I know that doesn't alleviate the miserable feelings but you're not on your own. It's very common and very treatable.

 

[HelloDarkness25]

I hear you, sometimes it's just the way one's brain is functioning. Whatever led to it is irrelevant, it's all ancient history by now. I simply don't know how to live, which would sound boinkers should I say it out loud - after all, I managed to cosplay living for this long.
But the truth is I didn't understand the purpose of life since I was 12. Many decades later I still don't understand life, don't want to participate in it and tired of forcing myself to perform this charade - simple as that.