Venting i dont want to die but its my only option

[ripbug]

everyday it gets harder. i wish i did it sooner but its just so difficult. if there was a button i could press to just kill me i wouldve ended it about 100 times already. ive been planning to ctb sometime this summer because after that there's nothing left for me. i have no direction and no purpose and no motivation in the slightest to find either. i feel like ive lost myself and i dont even know who i am anymore. but as the summer approaches i feel sick thinking about what needs to be done. if only i had done it sooner. i really have no choice and it has to happen sooner or later.

 

[LastFlowers]

everyday it gets harder. i wish i did it sooner but its just so difficult. if there was a button i could press to just kill me i wouldve ended it about 100 times already. ive been planning to ctb sometime this summer because after that there's nothing left for me. i have no direction and no purpose and no motivation in the slightest to find either. i feel like ive lost myself and i dont even know who i am anymore. but as the summer approaches i feel sick thinking about what needs to be done. if only i had done it sooner. i really have no choice and it has to happen sooner or later.

I've said much of the same myself, especially about the pipe dream of a button. If only.
(Though I think I would wish for a better shot at life first and foremost.)

Sorry you have to struggle like this, even if it's our decision, it doesn't really feel like a choice a lot of the time, because our options are so limited and miserable to begin with.

 

[cgcgcgcg]

Sorry to hear about your struggles, friend. I hope you find your peace.

 

[Bone]

I've thought about making a similar thread. Soon enough my choice will probably be to become homeless or CTB. No other option.

 

[ripbug]

I've thought about making a similar thread. Soon enough my choice will probably be to become homeless or CTB. No other option.

that is exactly how its going for me as well. im sorry. i wish things could be different for us.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. This life is just so depressing. I know that it can be dreadful when things just get worse. I understand that it can be hard to carry on when you cannot take anymore of this life. More than anything, I wish it was easier to leave this world. I just want to pass away peacefully and be free from all suffering. I wish you the best in whatever happens.