Venting I don't think I will ever be able to CTB

[socrates]

I want to CTB, I'm so sick of everything, the guilt, the fear, the pain. And I know there is about a 99% chance in the next few years things will get infinatly worse for me. The exit bag which seems like my best option is just to expensive and I'm really worried I'll botch the SN. I'm just to much of a coward to try anything. I just wish I had a button to hit that could kill me in a second, but I'm so useless I probably won't even be able to hit it. I guess I hold on for the chance of a miracle.

 

[red_pen]

i know this feel. it's like i want to die, i think of it every day, but i'm scared of death and despite my rapidly worsening/stagnating life i still want to cling on & find hope/see my world turn for the better
i don't think there's any reason to feel bad about thinking this way though, if you're somehow feeling guilt (i know i have struggled with the desire of wanting to die and wanting to live)

 

[Sugar_Cookie21]

i used to think like that, but now i see life more clearly...

 

[Despairing]

I am like this too.