I don't think I even want to recover

[NikePopuli]

I know depression can make you feel like life isn't worth living and such. But I've always thought that way outside of the depression. If I'm always going to feel like life is pointless, then even if I recovered, I'd still be jn pain.

 

[Un-]

I know how you feel.. A few people are urging me to recover and I appreciate it, but I struggle to understand why.

Even taking depression out of it, the majority of life is awful. The dating market sucks, the actual market sucks, having to look for a job, having to study for years in a university (most probably alone), working for years until you're 75.. Not to mention the pain of everything.. Mental, physical, emotional.. None of it sounds enticing. I can't imagine what drives people, but whatever it is, I don't think I'll ever get it back.

So what's the point of getting better? I dunno.

 

[NikePopuli]

I know how you feel.. A few people are urging me to recover and I appreciate it, but I struggle to understand why.

Even taking depression out of it, the majority of life is awful. The dating market sucks, the actual market sucks, having to look for a job, having to study for years in a university (most probably alone), working for years until you're 75.. Not to mention the pain of everything.. Mental, physical, emotional.. None of it sounds enticing. I can't imagine what drives people, but whatever it is, I don't think I'll ever get it back.

So what's the point of getting better? I dunno.

Exactly. No one ever understands which only makes it worse...

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I've been torn between trying to get better and just waiting to ctb. If I get relief from my depression (again), it is going to make me live more and longer and I'm afraid when I become actively suicidal again, I will feel even more tethered to this world than now, like I'll have more emotional connections and thus more guilt, and I'll feel stuck forever in this agonizing limbo.

So I struggle with wanting to "recover". I wish someone in my life could understand that.

In the end I'm really just trying to protect myself. It's not what society views as "healthy" but it's still self care.

 

[NikePopuli]

I've been torn between trying to get better and just waiting to ctb. If I get relief from my depression (again), it is going to make me live more and longer and I'm afraid when I become actively suicidal again, I will feel even more tethered to this world than now, like I'll have more emotional connections and thus more guilt, and I'll feel stuck forever in this agonizing limbo.

So I struggle with wanting to "recover". I wish someone in my life could understand that.

In the end I'm really just trying to protect myself. It's not what society views as "healthy" but it's still self care.

Learning to deal with your thoughts is probably the best way to "recover" at least for me.