.Not 100% sure when I'm going to CTB but it will be sometime later this week. My method N has arrived.
I will be deactivating my account the day I decide I'm doing this or the day before. I still have a few things to finalise with family & finances & preparation.
I simply cannot fail. Yes I'm scared. I have severe mobility issues, even opening the bottles worries me, severe swallowing & some digestive issues so the taste & getting it down without vomitting concerns me but I have felt attached to an electric fence nearly a year now from mold toxicity my muscles & nerves completely damaged beyond repair. It feels like MND, MS & my diagnosed ehlers danlos syndrome all rolled into one along with my mental health problems. There isn't a muscle, nerve or joint that doesn't hurt & I've had enough of choking on my own phlegm, unable to breathe properly, permanent banging heafaches & my anxieties have taken over yet no medications touch the side bar benzos for not more than a few hours sleep every few nights.
I want to thank everybody on this group for your advice, support & views on things. Without it if be suffering for decades to come likely in a psyche ward.
Ending things under my elderly parents roof will be hard. I'll have 12 hrs until they get suspicious & look for me. It hopefully will be long enough. They are expecting me to do something they support my need to die even though they dont want me to, they can't cope seeing me suffering daily. But I am still scared.
But know that nothingness or afterlife whichever it is it can't be worse than the hell I am in just now that gets worse by the day.
Thank you agsin everyone for helping me find a way to peace.
I wish everyone either a recovery or the peace they seek when the time is right for them.
I will be deactivating my account the day I decide I'm doing this or the day before. I still have a few things to finalise with family & finances & preparation.
I simply cannot fail. Yes I'm scared. I have severe mobility issues, even opening the bottles worries me, severe swallowing & some digestive issues so the taste & getting it down without vomitting concerns me but I have felt attached to an electric fence nearly a year now from mold toxicity my muscles & nerves completely damaged beyond repair. It feels like MND, MS & my diagnosed ehlers danlos syndrome all rolled into one along with my mental health problems. There isn't a muscle, nerve or joint that doesn't hurt & I've had enough of choking on my own phlegm, unable to breathe properly, permanent banging heafaches & my anxieties have taken over yet no medications touch the side bar benzos for not more than a few hours sleep every few nights.
I want to thank everybody on this group for your advice, support & views on things. Without it if be suffering for decades to come likely in a psyche ward.
Ending things under my elderly parents roof will be hard. I'll have 12 hrs until they get suspicious & look for me. It hopefully will be long enough. They are expecting me to do something they support my need to die even though they dont want me to, they can't cope seeing me suffering daily. But I am still scared.
But know that nothingness or afterlife whichever it is it can't be worse than the hell I am in just now that gets worse by the day.
Thank you agsin everyone for helping me find a way to peace.
I wish everyone either a recovery or the peace they seek when the time is right for them.
