I've been eating so much crap again and gaining weights again. And it's hard to get back on track. It's like old things are coming back. I can't control this thing inside of me. And it scares me. And I want to cut so bad. It doesn't even really hurts. But now I get a rush of dizziness when I do. Like I'm about to pass out and that actually both scares me and makes me want to do it again. I don't feel much of anything inside, but I feel anxious a lot. It's all so confusing to me. Maybe it's all in my head. What if I'm imagining everything I am feeling?
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