I don’t know why....

[worldexploder]

but I have a picture of myself sitting on my grandparents porch. I just want to give that kid the biggest hug in the world. That child doesn't deserve all this bullshit. That child never deserved the hate and abuse he's got. That child is me. I would never do anything to hurt that child. I hate looking at pictures of myself as a kid. That little boy had no idea what was facing him. Makes me cry.

 

[worldexploder]

Nobody deserves that shit. I was an innocent child trying to enjoy a day with my grandparents. That was in 1989.

Before then, my first memories was at age 2. My biomom had an abusive boyfriend who would jump scare me with panty hose on his head. I also remember him slapping my dick when I wouldn't sit down in the bathtub. I also remember him and my biomom getting into fist fights as I was crying looking out the window. They say memories don't happen until around age 4 but I disagree.

Then at age 3 my biomom kidnapped me and took me to Anderson, Indiana were I stayed for 6 months. I have no memory of the kidnapping but I do remember being in Indiana and feeling very confused.

The sharpest memory I had was when I was at "daycare" in Indiana. My jean jacket was draped on the chair next to me and there was a bowl of Mac and cheese in front of me. I remember the layout of that kitchen so well. Anyways, started to cry. Then the person who was ahead of the daycare center screamed in my face then slapped the fucking shit out of me. Her face was so red. She had curling irons in her hair. Looked about 60.

I don't remember much after that other than my dad finding out we're i was. He tried to make it work with my biomom. Everyone said I was so happy to be back with my grandparents. I have no memories of that. I also have no memories of the real sinister shit I confessed of at that age. Didn't find out until I was 16

 

[worldexploder]

Fuck it I'm gonna go ahead and talk about what my aunt revealed to me when I was 16. She said that when I got home, I told everyone that "mommy showed her bean and boy did it stink then I jumped right on it". I have ZERO memory of anything like this ever happening. My grandparents and my aunt and uncle both heard me say it. My dad called the child abuse hotline and they couldn't find any evidence of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse doesn't fit my biomoms profile.who the fuck knows what happened.

 

[Miss clefable]

Hugs sorry had to go through that at such a young age.wish you and @iHeartRockArt would give it another shot she read out a lovely poem so sorrowful yet beautiful she has a lovely voice too very soothing and again hugs

 

[worldexploder]

Hugs sorry had to go through that at such a young age.wish you and @iHeartRockArt would give it another shot she read out a lovely poem so sorrowful yet beautiful she has a lovely voice too very soothing and again hugs

Thank you so much Miss Clef. You are one awesome woman. My ex wife and I still love each other. I just can't function enough to take care of her how I need to. She deserves so much better than what I can offer her.

 

[iHeartRockArt]

Hugs sorry had to go through that at such a young age.wish you and @iHeartRockArt would give it another shot she read out a lovely poem so sorrowful yet beautiful she has a lovely voice too very soothing and again hugs

Thank you for the sweet compliment, Miss Clef...I hope you're feeling better from all that anxiety you were having. I know it's an everyday fight and it sucks. Hoping you can have the best day possible. You're a wonderful soul. Big hugs.

 

[Threads]

Listen to your inner child.

That's part of the healing processing.