I don’t know who I am

[bl33ding_heart]

One of the worst parts of borderline personality disorder that every single person with this disorder goes through is lacking a sense of self, this is said to be the root of our disorder and main cause for a lot of issues and symptoms we experience. I seriously feel like I change personhood everyday, sometimes even multiple times a day. And I honestly didn't know this was caused by my bpd until a year ago. It feels like I'm 100 different people at once and I'm constantly shifting between different personas. But it also feels like I'm no one at all. You probably wouldn't be able to understand what I'm talking about unless you yourself have gone through this. But I feel like literal nothingness. Like I'm just an empty shell of a body with no soul, no real person inside. But also like theres too many people inside. It's so confusing and I hate it so much. I honestly get so irritated with my unstable identity sometimes I get the urge to rip my skin open. I really wanna find myself and gain a true sense of self but I really don't know how and it just feels so impossible.

 

[Hollowman]

I don't either. It's hell.

 

[Cube_]

I am really sorry you feel this way. I too feel a lack a sense of self but instead of shifting through personas i feel like i am devoid of any personality at all

 

[Indecisivesandollar]

I relate to what you're saying and I'm so sorry that you feel that way. It feels like torture I don't know what I feel, like, or think. I feel like a blank sheet of paper, a nothing person. I want to tear myself apart so that I really am nothing.

 

[delinquentsandwich]

often times I avoid thinking about who or what I am anymore
my concept of me is so distorted that, yeah, I don't know who the fuck I am lol

some days I flip flop between what feels like different personalities- others I am stagnant
thinking about myself causes me to panic for some reason
much easier to think I am just me(nothing) or just nothing at all

brain certainly works in funny ways