I don’t know what to do

[AzulLightningBerg]

I don't want to die particularly because I'm afraid there's nothing after death, but I'm really tired of the panic attacks and inability to be intimate. I was raped for about seven months and it was- almost easy to deal with because I was in such a dark place at the time that I truly believed I deserved it. However now that I'm in a new relationship- I have a hard time allowing myself to sleep because I have nightmares about the rape. I do not take medication for sleep because they make my dreams more likely and vivid when I take them.
I'm just really tired of getting panic attacks when people touch me and I don't they're going to, whenever I get intimate and things get going I get flashbacks which make me start having panic attacks- I don't know what to do.

 

[Holu]

I don't want to die particularly because I'm afraid there's nothing after death, but I'm really tired of the panic attacks and inability to be intimate. I was raped for about seven months and it was- almost easy to deal with because I was in such a dark place at the time that I truly believed I deserved it. However now that I'm in a new relationship- I have a hard time allowing myself to sleep because I have nightmares about the rape. I do not take medication for sleep because they make my dreams more likely and vivid when I take them.
I'm just really tired of getting panic attacks when people touch me and I don't they're going to, whenever I get intimate and things get going I get flashbacks which make me start having panic attacks- I don't know what to do.

Death to all rapists. On everything your rapist deserves to have their skull caved in. I hope they get hit by a car and survive paralyzed but constantly aware. They like all other rapists deserve nothing. Kill. Them. All.

I'm really sorry for what you have gone through and what your going through. I can't imagine the horror of being raped, let alone being forced to relive it over and over again.

Idk if you're in therapy but maybe a professional might know ways to cope and deal with such trauma. Somatic therapy offers a potential way out of your trauma. It might be slow but it's well worth it.

Hopefully your current lover is better. Let them be a pillar you can lean on and comfort you.

Not that you have to believe me, or that your brain will believe me but you're safe. Make sure you keep telling yourself that until your brain accepts it.

Again I'm really sorry. I wish I could curb stomp your abusers head over and over again. I hope you get better and get, we as a community are always behind you. You are one of us forsaken, and we will never judge or abandon you

 

[AzulLightningBerg]

Death to all rapists. On everything your rapist deserves to have their skull caved in. I hope they get hit by a car and survive paralyzed but constantly aware. They like all other rapists deserve nothing. Kill. Them. All.

I'm really sorry for what you have gone through and what your going through. I can't imagine the horror of being raped, let alone being forced to relive it over and over again.

Idk if you're in therapy but maybe a professional might know ways to cope and deal with such trauma. Somatic therapy offers a potential way out of your trauma. It might be slow but it's well worth it.

Hopefully your current lover is better. Let them be a pillar you can lean on and comfort you.

Not that you have to believe me, or that your brain will believe me but you're safe. Make sure you keep telling yourself that until your brain accepts it.

Again I'm really sorry. I wish I could curb stomp your abusers head over and over again. I hope you get better and get, we as a community are always behind you. You are one of us forsaken, and we will never judge or abandon you

I shouldn't even be bothered by it is the thing. I mean fuck I stayed in a relationship like that willingly… why am I even- bothered by it when I chose to stay?