Hi everyone,
Thankyou to anyone reading this post, this community has some of the most caring people.
I am 20 years old, I lost my father, My life has been a lie, I had a business, it got fucked, due to my bad habits, it closed down, i went another city, tried their made some money, it went again, later, I got addicted to ciggerates ( smoking ), i met a girlfriend, she is very nice, very caring, I lied about a lot of things, Her family gave more then 8000$. based on the lies i made, we went to another country, again another lie i made to go some other country, she really loved me, she took the best care of me, It was stupid me who fucking didnt wanted to respect that properly, yes i made money too, but we ended spending it all, later when we went to the other country, she got to know about the lies, she got to know i have hair fetish, and used to watch those kind of videos, memberships ( i no longer have that fetish ), she was about to leave me, i begged, i begged a lot, she didnt leave, even though i got her to leave her college, not have a haircut since a year due to my fetish, slapped her twice, and what not, She has given me a chance now, its being really hard making money now, I really wanna die, however i dont wanna die in debt, i dont know, i want to live, it doenst feels comfortable, i live at her home, her parents do not appreciate me staying their, i dont have money to afford a home for me, i am fucked up financially, i dont have any such debts, just the money i took from her in the form of lies and ruined her life, which she started to get back and i am helping in the best possible way i can, support, help in any way so she can get back everything, even get more then what she had before.
I feel like sucide is the solution, I ruined her life, She gave me a chance, I dont actually know if she forgived me or not, I am too much anxious, deppressed, under panic attacks, almost everytime in the influent of ciggerates (smoking), anti deppresants seems to work just for a few hours, I feel helpless, my mind is restless, i am unable to focus properly, I dont want her to live with a stupid deppressed person, we went on dates after this incident happened, and what? my deppression ruined it, we went to a shopping mall, my deppression ruined that too, I feel like i should punish myself, and end my life, I actually maybe want to live, i dont know how to, its been so difficult, I beg you all, please share your views, I am even fine if you wish to abuse me, i am a bad person, well i was, trying my best to improve, however crime committed once is crime committed for life thats what i think, so yes, i am the worst, i look the worst, my body language has become the worst due to this deppression, my facial expressions everything has ruined so much i have no words i can tell you, just one thing, I love her, i cannot imagine a life without her and i am trying my best to do anything to make her mine, to compensiate for what i did, but its been very difficult, I still have pain in my shoulder, the left one, my breath is not normal right now, its a little more then usual.
I dont know if i should end my life or not, it seems very scary, however, if i was confident enough to ruin her life, she still gave me a chance, I should be confident enough to end my own life, right?
Sorry for the bad english, Thankyou for reading this, may god bless you, make god never make a loser like me, may god wish all of you happiness and peace.
Thankyou to anyone reading this post, this community has some of the most caring people.
I am 20 years old, I lost my father, My life has been a lie, I had a business, it got fucked, due to my bad habits, it closed down, i went another city, tried their made some money, it went again, later, I got addicted to ciggerates ( smoking ), i met a girlfriend, she is very nice, very caring, I lied about a lot of things, Her family gave more then 8000$. based on the lies i made, we went to another country, again another lie i made to go some other country, she really loved me, she took the best care of me, It was stupid me who fucking didnt wanted to respect that properly, yes i made money too, but we ended spending it all, later when we went to the other country, she got to know about the lies, she got to know i have hair fetish, and used to watch those kind of videos, memberships ( i no longer have that fetish ), she was about to leave me, i begged, i begged a lot, she didnt leave, even though i got her to leave her college, not have a haircut since a year due to my fetish, slapped her twice, and what not, She has given me a chance now, its being really hard making money now, I really wanna die, however i dont wanna die in debt, i dont know, i want to live, it doenst feels comfortable, i live at her home, her parents do not appreciate me staying their, i dont have money to afford a home for me, i am fucked up financially, i dont have any such debts, just the money i took from her in the form of lies and ruined her life, which she started to get back and i am helping in the best possible way i can, support, help in any way so she can get back everything, even get more then what she had before.
I feel like sucide is the solution, I ruined her life, She gave me a chance, I dont actually know if she forgived me or not, I am too much anxious, deppressed, under panic attacks, almost everytime in the influent of ciggerates (smoking), anti deppresants seems to work just for a few hours, I feel helpless, my mind is restless, i am unable to focus properly, I dont want her to live with a stupid deppressed person, we went on dates after this incident happened, and what? my deppression ruined it, we went to a shopping mall, my deppression ruined that too, I feel like i should punish myself, and end my life, I actually maybe want to live, i dont know how to, its been so difficult, I beg you all, please share your views, I am even fine if you wish to abuse me, i am a bad person, well i was, trying my best to improve, however crime committed once is crime committed for life thats what i think, so yes, i am the worst, i look the worst, my body language has become the worst due to this deppression, my facial expressions everything has ruined so much i have no words i can tell you, just one thing, I love her, i cannot imagine a life without her and i am trying my best to do anything to make her mine, to compensiate for what i did, but its been very difficult, I still have pain in my shoulder, the left one, my breath is not normal right now, its a little more then usual.
I dont know if i should end my life or not, it seems very scary, however, if i was confident enough to ruin her life, she still gave me a chance, I should be confident enough to end my own life, right?
Sorry for the bad english, Thankyou for reading this, may god bless you, make god never make a loser like me, may god wish all of you happiness and peace.
