I don't know myself

[6ftunder]

Unsure which forum to post this in.

I know this sounds really strange, but I often feel like I don't know myself.

Like, I'll think I've got control of my emotions, for instance. But then something will happen which will show that my emotions have control over me.
I don't know what works for me, I find it difficult to bond with people, and I'm constantly asking myself if what I'm doing is 'normal' in any given situation.

I'm pretty bright, but I sometimes feel that I don't have a whole load of self-awareness. Not in an immature, selfish way, but it's as though the things most people learn growing up missed me.
Perhaps being raised by two narcissistic, sociopathic parents (no exaggeration) effected me somehow.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

 

[Pluto]

Sometimes we are forced to suppress or modify or natural personality in order to pacify abusive parents/siblings or attempt to fit in at school. The problem is that we are learning to do this during our formative years, and it leads to a loss of a healthy sense of self in later life. I don't know exactly what the answer is because I'm in my 40s and have made very limited progress with this issue.

 

[CrazyMary]

Some people shouldnt be parents. Miune shouldnt have me. I know I shouldnt have kids either. And yep sometimes I am wtf... what did I just do. Specially when I get drunk, next morning I am jut checking my phone hoping I didnt do anything too crazy or said something wrong. In therapy it happens pretty often too I say things that surprise me but I know they are deep inside of me.

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

I know this sounds really strange, but I often feel like I don't know myself.

I don't think that's strange at all. I think it's a sign that you're going through a difficult period of adjustment.

Everyone goes through periods when they do / think / feel things that they don't see as "who I am" and try to figure out why they did / thought / felt that. I think what you're going through is like that - just on steroids.

And the fact you sometimes feel like "not yourself" says to me that you have more than enough self awareness.

 

[8evergo]

i know myself best and i love myself the most i know where my limits are see you again bye bye