Venting I don't even know at this point.

[- crybaby -]

I've gone thru so many circles of "Maybe this will help me , maybe this will fix me." it's became exhausting .
It hurts because I tried .. for so many years I tried desperately to want it ..to see meaning in life or at least no seek death so much .
I'd spend nights conflicted with myself ..
" why ? why am I like this ?Do "normal" people have these thoughts?This strong desire ? "

Then I'd become .. numb ,drained from any emotion ,no longer having any energy or desire to fight it ..I just accept it ..
That's how I felt for a good while now .. numb.
With no desire to live an actual life ..
With no energy to actually commit sucide either ..
Just letting the days pass by ..

 

[Onthe29th]

I'm sorry that our mental health system has let you down. The only thing we can do is try our best but what do you do when you try your best and get nothing in return….

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that it can be dreadful when you are living an empty existence, unable to live and unable to die. This life can be so depressing. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.

 

[Foresight]

I feel you 100%. I wish I had the answer or anything. I'm so exhausted too.

 

[- crybaby -]

The question lingers in the back of my head even in my "best" days ..
"How much longer can I fool myself?"

 

[Arrow]

I wanna say I have looped about a dozen times over the last few days through feeling like shit because I think my life is over and then feeling relieved my life is over because that means I can just die and then feeling bad that I want to give up. And then I enter the numb state you described and it starts all over again. Cycles and cycles.

If hell is a real place I am unironically not afraid of ending up there anymore. I'd die and just wake up right back here I think. Only difference is my room would be too hot or too cold or something. That would literally be it.