Venting i didnt ask to be born lmaooo

[parentportaldotnet]

my family always frames my existence as some kind of "deal." they provide for me, and i do what they expect of me. understandable. the only issue is that the reason i was brought into the deal was simply being born.
if it were my choice, i wouldn't have been. i am simply not happy. i'm not sad, but i'm stuck in a limbo, i guess. i can never remember how i feel throughout the day, and my life blurs together. anything i do feels like it simply isn't good enough. cliché, but it gets the point across.
no matter how hard i study, no matter how much progress i'm making despite my setbacks, it feels as if i need to be doing more. it sucks. i dont wanna be here. i dont know if i would ever stoop back to being actively suicidal again, but it is on my mind a lot. if i'm remembering correctly, i'm passively suicidal. if you wanna put a label on it, i think.
i take my meds but i guess they aren't working as well as they need to be.
ive gotten back into self harm again. it's so relieving. every time i cut into my thigh, i feel catharsis.
just a vent, i dont know.

 

[EmptyBottle]

mmm... and yep, I didn't ask to exist, sometimes I don't mind existence, sometimes I don't mind non existence.

 

[mirror_mercury]

i was a rabbit in my previous life.

i reached the supreme level, got bored

and decided to reincarnate as a human