I can't keep postponing. Came back from the woods alive,yet again

[Exhausted546]

Closest I got was 2 days ago. Went out at 4am. After heavy winds and a storm , there was no trail left. Broken branches and broken trees all over, the snow had melted then frozen again, it was very difficult making my way into the woods,jumping over collapsed trees, breaking branches, after an hour I found a spot with a lot of suitable trees but I already felt exhausted and cold by the ordeal.

Screenshotted my location on Google maps, was going to schedule it being sent around 30 mins after my death

Took the rope out, felt It's about 10 meters long, I had to figure out how to cut it appropriately so I can properly tie it against the anchor point and hang. I couldn't figure out how to proceed safely for some reason. Could barely feel my fingers at that point and I worried that a faulty set up could have me survive but with brain damage.

I still don't know how I'll proceed. I have the noose ready but I need to cut the other side of the rope properly. Im either incompetent or overcomplicating it

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

It's hard to commit to hanging. I've had a lot of false starts myself.

 

[salviap]

Closest I got was 2 days ago. Went out at 4am. After heavy winds and a storm , there was no trail left. Broken branches and broken trees all over, the snow had melted then frozen again, it was very difficult making my way into the woods,jumping over collapsed trees, breaking branches, after an hour I found a spot with a lot of suitable trees but I already felt exhausted and cold by the ordeal.

Screenshotted my location on Google maps, was going to schedule it being sent around 30 mins after my death

Took the rope out, felt It's about 10 meters long, I had to figure out how to cut it appropriately so I can properly tie it against the anchor point and hang. I couldn't figure out how to proceed safely for some reason. Could barely feel my fingers at that point and I worried that a faulty set up could have me survive but with brain damage.

I still don't know how I'll proceed. I have the noose ready but I need to cut the other side of the rope properly. Im either incompetent or overcomplicating it

This is my tentative plan. I'm wondering how I can choose a branch that'll hold my weight, or how i'd even get up there depending on the height. Which type of rope are you using? I plan on purchasing one today or later this week.

 

[Exhausted546]

Failed to properly lock in. I mean I did but I'd get full on discouraged every other hour. Fought well the first 4-5 days then I started spiraling again. Should have reached out instead of dooming myself further til it was too kate


Now it's certain I'm getting kicked out of engineering school. These past 6-7 years of struggles were all for naught in the end. I mean I can beg them to explain my situation but I doubt they'll show compassion.

The woods have gotten wayy scarier since the snow melted, a lot of weird noises, I don't know how far the swamp goes I kept thinking about going to the woods for the past week but this is the first time since my last attempt to venture in that I try to again. I don't see a trail.

Hate that my brother's supportive words 2 weeks ago got to me. Like I appreciate it but it wasn't enough to conquer my gloom demons, but it is enough to sincerely prevent me from offing myself with determination. Even if there hadn't been a swamp, I feel like I'd feel too much guilt to properly off myself. I hate it all. I absolutely hate myself for failing to properly lock in. The content wasn't hard at all,it's just that there was an entire semester worth and my mental health constantly switching between "nah it's better you ctb ASAP, even if you get 100%, you'll still be kicked out" and "you should at least try" wasn't enough.


Ahhh fuck, why am I like this. I entirely put myself in this position. Maybe I should just get a motel tonight and end it all

 

[Exhausted546]

Went again during the day. I should have been a week or 2 ago so I'd know there's no going through that swamp. I don't think people walk there anymore, my corpse would have taken some time to be discovered. Knowing that would have helped me lock in better at the very least.

Anyway I guess I'll have to do a full suspension hanging in a motel or find new trees to die with

 

[groovygoober]

Failed to properly lock in. I mean I did but I'd get full on discouraged every other hour. Fought well the first 4-5 days then I started spiraling again. Should have reached out instead of dooming myself further til it was too kate


Now it's certain I'm getting kicked out of engineering school. These past 6-7 years of struggles were all for naught in the end. I mean I can beg them to explain my situation but I doubt they'll show compassion.

The woods have gotten wayy scarier since the snow melted, a lot of weird noises, I don't know how far the swamp goes I kept thinking about going to the woods for the past week but this is the first time since my last attempt to venture in that I try to again. I don't see a trail.

Hate that my brother's supportive words 2 weeks ago got to me. Like I appreciate it but it wasn't enough to conquer my gloom demons, but it is enough to sincerely prevent me from offing myself with determination. Even if there hadn't been a swamp, I feel like I'd feel too much guilt to properly off myself. I hate it all. I absolutely hate myself for failing to properly lock in. The content wasn't hard at all,it's just that there was an entire semester worth and my mental health constantly switching between "nah it's better you ctb ASAP, even if you get 100%, you'll still be kicked out" and "you should at least try" wasn't enough.


Ahhh fuck, why am I like this. I entirely put myself in this position. Maybe I should just get a motel tonight and end it all

Recent graduate , somehow graduated with good grades but mental health has been so bad for the past few years that it's all a haze , I thought getting good grades will fix it but the swamp doesn't disappear no matter how much you try to escape , it's just one thing after another.
The only thing that is going to help is to address the swamp itself I guess and that's too hard .

Edit ; just realized you were talking about an actual swamp

 

[Exhausted546]

H

Recent graduate , somehow graduated with good grades but mental health has been so bad for the past few years that it's all a haze , I thought getting good grades will fix it but the swamp doesn't disappear no matter how much you try to escape , it's just one thing after another.
The only thing that is going to help is to address the swamp itself I guess and that's too hard .

Edit ; just realized you were talking about an actual swamp

Haha no worries. I appreciate the words. I really don't know what im going to do now, no way in surviving in this world tho.

Congrats for graduating btw!
This should do the trick, only problem is that it's like 10 meters behind a triplet's backyard ,it leads to the woods tho. I doubt they'd be able to notice my body until morning

 

[groovygoober]

This should do the trick, only problem is that it's like 10 meters behind a triplet's backyard ,it leads to the woods tho. I doubt they'd be able to notice my body until morning

If you are concerned about being found very late then just setup like a scheduled message or email (better to do both just to be safe) with your location .

 

[Exhausted546]

If I do it with the tree I found, I'll rapidly be found I believe unless no neighbor looks past their backyard.

Still trying to push myself to step out. Been invited to a family event in another province in 3 weeks, with family members I haven't spoken to in a decade due to them being the cause of traumas and my life going downhill. I'm not looking forward to them collectively shitting on me and how much of a loser I became which will 100% happen, as if they hadn't played a major role by trying their hardest to break me when I was becoming something.

Ironically enough. There's several birthdays and events in my family in May. I feel guilty as fuck for ruining them with my death despite everything. I'd have an easier time stepping out rn if my brother hadn't called me to show genuine support 2 weeks ago.

Anyway it's 1am, it'd be the perfect time to step out. Maybe if I drink a beer I'll get the courage to do so