Venting I can't believe tinnitus could be this bad. How could this one thing push me right to the edge?

[finasteride_end]

Holy fucking god it's so bad. It's so loud. Everything I hear is impossibly loud and causes me unbearable pain. In the space of two weeks since my last post, I have become physically disabled in a way I never knew was possible

Holy shit I am so scared. I don't want to die, I really really want to live. But not like this. Not forever with no prospect of treatment. You know what? Before this I never had any real problems. Loneliness, despair, low self-esteem, erectile dysfunction, none of it mattered compared to 24/7 torturous pain with no relief

Xanax makes it better for about 12 hours or so, the loudness dies down, but until I finish the steroid treatment (which isn't doing shit) I can't take another one. It's the thought of Xanax that keeps me alive. Not friendship or love, Xanax. I am in so much pain. All I can think about is the end. Please god someone help me

 

[Dot]

Am awre tht dffrnt thngs wrk fr dffrnt ppl & sme thngs d/ nt wrk @ all bt thre ws anothr sasu usr wth xtrme tinntus wh/ hd gd xpernce wth amytriprlne t/ xtnt tht thy wre nt suicdl n.e mre

Cld b wrth a dscussn wth ur doctr

 

[IDCAAEBM]

I have tinittis in both ears, but my left ear is worse. I also suffer from other ailments, but this one is a definite daily struggle. My psychiatrist doesn't understand how I suffer mentally with thoughts, and she doesn't understand that I suffer from tinittis. How am I expected to get better, when clearly, this is only going to get worse? I think at my next appointment I'm going to tell her that her therapy has been useless and that I'm taking the first steps to apply to Pelagos.

 

[BrainSplatter]

Holy fucking god it's so bad. It's so loud. Everything I hear is impossibly loud and causes me unbearable pain. In the space of two weeks since my last post, I have become physically disabled in a way I never knew was possible

Holy shit I am so scared. I don't want to die, I really really want to live. But not like this. Not forever with no prospect of treatment. You know what? Before this I never had any real problems. Loneliness, despair, low self-esteem, erectile dysfunction, none of it mattered compared to 24/7 torturous pain with no relief

Xanax makes it better for about 12 hours or so, the loudness dies down, but until I finish the steroid treatment (which isn't doing shit) I can't take another one. It's the thought of Xanax that keeps me alive. Not friendship or love, Xanax. I am in so much pain. All I can think about is the end. Please god someone help me

I get this too and wear ear buds constantly playing music without the I'll get this ringing hissing or buzzing sounds sometimes it's more intense other times manageable. Sometimes I'll just get a sharp shooting pain it's horrible tbh I'll prob go deaf anyday now with how loud I play my music lol l hope you get relief some how it sucksss

 

[rainwillneverstop]

Am awre tht dffrnt thngs wrk fr dffrnt ppl & sme thngs d/ nt wrk @ all bt thre ws anothr sasu usr wth xtrme tinntus wh/ hd gd xpernce wth amytriprlne t/ xtnt tht thy wre nt suicdl n.e mre

Cld b wrth a dscussn wth ur doctr

'Translation'
I'm aware that different things work for different people, and some things do not work at all. But there was another sasu user with extreme tinnitus, who had good experience with Amitriptyline to the extent they were not suicidal anymore.

Could be worth a discussion with your doctor.

 

[unluckysadness]

It sounds awful. I remember a woman on TV asking for assisted suicide because of severe tinnitus.

 

[homeboundcripple]

33 years tinnitus sufferer here, there is no limit to how bad tinnitus can get.

 

[finasteride_end]

Acceptance is so, so hard. I am still grieving for my old life, even with erectile dysfunction and everything. I will ask my doctor if any antidepressants can reduce the loudness.

I wonder what the value of my whole life even was. Why was I born, why did I come all this way just to develop chronic and untreatable suffering? How can a life like this possibly be meaningful and good?

I'm so afraid I'm going to end up killing myself. No one understands how bad it is to live with this, everyone thinks I just have an attitude problem. I think the second worst part about this aside from the suffering is how disconnected you feel from the rest of humanity. No one truly understands

I have no idea what I'm going to do for the next 24 hours. I have work tomorrow. I'm going to explode. I need constant comfort to survive this extreme level of stress and there's nowhere I can possibly obtain it

IDCAAEBM, does it ever get any easier? I literally cannot function in a perpetual state of panic for the rest of my life

 

[outrider567]

Holy fucking god it's so bad. It's so loud. Everything I hear is impossibly loud and causes me unbearable pain. In the space of two weeks since my last post, I have become physically disabled in a way I never knew was possible

Holy shit I am so scared. I don't want to die, I really really want to live. But not like this. Not forever with no prospect of treatment. You know what? Before this I never had any real problems. Loneliness, despair, low self-esteem, erectile dysfunction, none of it mattered compared to 24/7 torturous pain with no relief

Xanax makes it better for about 12 hours or so, the loudness dies down, but until I finish the steroid treatment (which isn't doing shit) I can't take another one. It's the thought of Xanax that keeps me alive. Not friendship or love, Xanax. I am in so much pain. All I can think about is the end. Please god someone help me

Just been diagnosed with Tinnitus myself(as well as high blood pressure) out of the blue, still in shock because I've always had good health, perfect blood work etc,, always protected my ears but mine is age related combined with mild hearing loss, tomorrow will see the ENT doctor for help, a hearing aid helps 60% of tinnitus sufferers, plus he says there are other things that may reduce it, so I haven't given up yet, but if these other things don't work, it may finally be time to get my affairs in order
All those videos that profess to help tinnitus sufferers on Youtube are a joke

 

[finasteride_end]

They really are. I have an unbearably harsh tone in my left ear that is so high pitched I can't find any masking video that can match its tone. I was disturbed by the thought of a hearing aid at first but I rapidly found myself in so much pain that I would endure anything to make it go away. I am looking into other antidepressants that might reduce the intensity of the noise because my quality of life is ruined

Looking seriously at an exit is deeply frightening. I don't think I'm going to be able to do it in a methodical, planned way. I'll just have to gather the materials I need to - still can't believe I'm saying this now - catch the bus, and I'll have to be ready when the urge comes. I feel deeply disappointed with myself for ever having taken cialis. I want to live so badly but I just can't imagine a life without end to this extreme torment. I'm not even that unhappy mentally, just in constant debilitating pain

 

[RunDown]

Holy fucking god it's so bad. It's so loud. Everything I hear is impossibly loud and causes me unbearable pain. In the space of two weeks since my last post, I have become physically disabled in a way I never knew was possible

Holy shit I am so scared. I don't want to die, I really really want to live. But not like this. Not forever with no prospect of treatment. You know what? Before this I never had any real problems. Loneliness, despair, low self-esteem, erectile dysfunction, none of it mattered compared to 24/7 torturous pain with no relief

Xanax makes it better for about 12 hours or so, the loudness dies down, but until I finish the steroid treatment (which isn't doing shit) I can't take another one. It's the thought of Xanax that keeps me alive. Not friendship or love, Xanax. I am in so much pain. All I can think about is the end. Please god someone help me

Sorry you're going through that. I know it sucks. I have severe PSSD from Effexor and tinnitus is a main symptom. It drives me nuts at night trying to sleep. I can hear it over music and television. It's inescapable. I've had it for so long that I've gotten used to it to some degree but it still sucks.

 

[sanctions]

Xanax makes it better for about 12 hours or so, the loudness dies down, but until I finish the steroid treatment (which isn't doing shit) I can't take another one. It's the thought of Xanax that keeps me alive. Not friendship or love, Xanax. I am in so much pain. All I can think about is the end. Please god someone help me

how long until the steroid treatment is over? when it is, try Klonopin if possible. try Valium if you can't get Klonopin. both have a longer half-life than Xanax and are probably better at suppressing tinnitus.

 

[finasteride_end]

Fuckers wouldn't give me xanax, klonopin or any fucking benzo whatsoever. The one and only way I can now experience even temporary relief from my tinnitus and those absolute cunts took it from me

I suppose I would have built tolerance to them in time anyway but they won't even let me have a limited supply for special occasions. I am going to meet someone this weekend and I will have to take one of my two remaining Xanax pills to enjoy myself and not be tormented with evil noise for the whole day

"Xanax doesn't improve tinnitus" shit stains I am living proof that it does you arrogant pricks. I hate doctors. They are clueless about medication and just blindly follow whatever the pharmaceutical companies tell them. I asked the nurse seeing me if he would at least Google it and inform himself but he refused. Ignorant and proud of it too

Driving home from work, all I can think about is how beautiful the landscape looks. I found a spot where I'm going to die if it comes to that. I have to jump a barrier at a particular place on the dual carriageway. I prefer to die in a noisy place so the fucking tinnitus isn't the last thing I ever hear

 

[Alexandra_]

I'm sorry you're now suffering from tinnitus too. I've had very severe, pulsating tinnitus for years—it's unbearable. It's the main reason I want to die

 

[finasteride_end]

My family found out about my suicide plans. I made a post on Reddit and my sister saw it and somehow figured out from the things I was saying that it was me. They brought me to a psychiatric unit yesterday

I guess it doesn't make a difference. I know where to get gas locally, I don't have a proper hood for it but that's only a matter of details as well, a plastic bag would probably do fine. They can't physically stop me

I am however devastated that my sister knows now. She was the person I least wanted to feel any kind of guilt. I ended up deleting my suicide notes. Nothing I can say in them will comfort my family now. I feel so ashamed

Still, I'm conflicted. My employers sent me home after noticing how low I was feeling. Everyone has been so kind towards me. If only I could find some way of alleviating the tinnitus even a little, I might be able to bear the burden

That's the fucked up thing about there being no treatment. My life was good. I probably have a far better support network than most SS users. Emotionally I should want for nothing. It's just nothing can alleviate the physical suffering

 

[outrider567]

My family found out about my suicide plans. I made a post on Reddit and my sister saw it and somehow figured out from the things I was saying that it was me. They brought me to a psychiatric unit yesterday

I guess it doesn't make a difference. I know where to get gas locally, I don't have a proper hood for it but that's only a matter of details as well, a plastic bag would probably do fine. They can't physically stop me

I am however devastated that my sister knows now. She was the person I least wanted to feel any kind of guilt. I ended up deleting my suicide notes. Nothing I can say in them will comfort my family now. I feel so ashamed

Still, I'm conflicted. My employers sent me home after noticing how low I was feeling. Everyone has been so kind towards me. If only I could find some way of alleviating the tinnitus even a little, I might be able to bear the burden

That's the fucked up thing about there being no treatment. My life was good. I probably have a far better support network than most SS users. Emotionally I should want for nothing. It's just nothing can alleviate the physical suffering

Sorry to hear that, I never post on reddit on any threads that are suicide related---Luckily my tinnitus got some relief from my new hearing aids, my tinnitus and hearing loss are both considered mild by the Audiologist, so they gave me some hearing aids specifically designed to help with tinnitus, much relief in the daytime, less so in the evening, and none at night, because the hearing aids must be removed--The night time tinnitus has definitely NOT gotten better, but they say two weeks to two months before that improves, 65% chance, but if it doesn't......

 

[rs929]

I only have minor tinnitus myself but I have hearing loss, so I've been to some tinnitus and hearing loss forums. I've read people say that, while the tinnitus itself might or might not improve, the brain learns to just live with it.
I think if you can handle the anxiety component that goes along with the tinnitus, it will still suck, but not in a "i want to kill myself rather than hear this" level.
Also like someone said above, audiologist have some stuff that might help.
Wishing you the best

 

[StoicPizza]

Had it since 2017. Been worse since my CTB attempts

 

[HangMan123]

Woah I had no idea that tinnitus could get so bad. That sounds like hell, dude. I get angry from people chewing, so there's no way I could do what you're doing now. You're really strong. I know nothing that I can say can improve your condition, but I truly hope it improves one day.

 

[madwoman]

Tinnitus is truly annoying, I've had it for almost a year now and sometimes it gets really loud. I do listen to music and audiobooks a lot and def need my fan for white noise in the background but it does suck that it never shuts up. Sometimes I do forget if I don't focus on it and like I said when I'm listening to other stuff but right now it's so loud. I'm sorry for your pain. It's just another thing on my list of many that makes me want to go. I hope you can figure out relief from it especially since you want to stay - there is a process of grief that happens. I'm sorry about the Reddit thing and your sister finding out too. In your case, I feel like that's a good thing maybe you can open up to her about all you are going through. You aren't alone.

 

[badatparties]

I think severe tinnitus is an accepted illness at Pegasos in Switzerland. They have assisted people with tinnitus before.

 

[outrider567]

I only have minor tinnitus myself but I have hearing loss, so I've been to some tinnitus and hearing loss forums. I've read people say that, while the tinnitus itself might or might not improve, the brain learns to just live with it.
I think if you can handle the anxiety component that goes along with the tinnitus, it will still suck, but not in a "i want to kill myself rather than hear this" level.
Also like someone said above, audiologist have some stuff that might help.
Wishing you the best

Mine is 'minor' also(but I still hate it), but since its hearing loss age related tinnitus, the hearing aids do help(have them 1 week so far), in the daytime, they helped immediately, no need for headphones anymore--But at night is a different story, since hearing aids must be taken out at night, Audiologist says than can take 2 weeks to 2 months, if that doesn't work, they have TRT therapy, and other things--I can still sleep at night, but if it gets worse, and I then have difficulty sleeping, I am finished

 

[finasteride_end]

Today I have developed burning pain and fullness in my ears in addition to the increased loudness and noise sensitivity I had before. Hyperacusis sufferers on reddit warn me that only isolating myself from all sound for months will prevent this deteriorating into life-ruining noxacusis, a condition that leaves people housebound. I don't know what to fucking believe anymore. Just when I think I have turned a corner, along comes some terrifying symptoms that may or may not leave me in an even lower circle of hell than the one which I now occupy

I am exhausted and resigned to my fate. I was supposed to travel to meet a friend of mine tomorrow. After two days of quiet tinnitus over the weekend I thought things were looking up. I don't even know if I am overreacting to this latest development or risking my life becoming even worse by ignoring it. There are no good decisions to be made. I have lost control of my body and am now apparently endangered by ordinary levels of sound, courtesy of the neurons in my brain going absolutely fucking nuts because I got a little hearing loss from my dick pills. You couldn't make this up

My suicidal episode hasn't changed who I am in the slightest. Mentally I am still living in a nightmare world which might even be just plain paranoia on my part, or a totally justified reaction to ludicrously, almost comically bad luck. To think I had ambitions to go back to work next week. Either I develop an actual crippling condition or my health doom spiralling will make it impossible for me to live a normal life. How do I become healthy? What would a sane healthy person do in this situation? I have no idea because I have completely lost my fucking mind. It's actually so ridiculous that I could even find myself thinking these thoughts

 

[outrider567]

Today I have developed burning pain and fullness in my ears in addition to the increased loudness and noise sensitivity I had before. Hyperacusis sufferers on reddit warn me that only isolating myself from all sound for months will prevent this deteriorating into life-ruining noxacusis, a condition that leaves people housebound. I don't know what to fucking believe anymore. Just when I think I have turned a corner, along comes some terrifying symptoms that may or may not leave me in an even lower circle of hell than the one which I now occupy

I am exhausted and resigned to my fate. I was supposed to travel to meet a friend of mine tomorrow. After two days of quiet tinnitus over the weekend I thought things were looking up. I don't even know if I am overreacting to this latest development or risking my life becoming even worse by ignoring it. There are no good decisions to be made. I have lost control of my body and am now apparently endangered by ordinary levels of sound, courtesy of the neurons in my brain going absolutely fucking nuts because I got a little hearing loss from my dick pills. You couldn't make this up

My suicidal episode hasn't changed who I am in the slightest. Mentally I am still living in a nightmare world which might even be just plain paranoia on my part, or a totally justified reaction to ludicrously, almost comically bad luck. To think I had ambitions to go back to work next week. Either I develop an actual crippling condition or my health doom spiralling will make it impossible for me to live a normal life. How do I become healthy? What would a sane healthy person do in this situation? I have no idea because I have completely lost my fucking mind. It's actually so ridiculous that I could even find myself thinking these thoughts

Yeah I was having a relatively good few days, then woke up to my worst Tinnitus yet, the randomness of it is getting me pissed off, but unlike you, who have it so much worse than me, I am not resigned to my fate just yet--btw, what are 'dick pills?

 

[finasteride_end]

Viagra and cialis. The latter was what caused my tinnitus

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I can relate and am sorry. I don't have tinnitus as such but something similar and neurological. If there's one tiny people take for granted, it's a quiet head. It's an existential nightmare.

 

[SentimentalTrip]

If it's any consolation, you might get used to it. I began experiencing tinnitus ten years ago. It came out of nowhere and sent me into a deep depressive episode. It was one of the reasons I began having suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life. But eventually it just seemed to get less loud. It hasn't actually, but I became accustomed to it. I always have some sort of white noise playing and it makes it okay. Now here I am a decade later, and I'm still suicidal but for different reasons. When I think about CTB, tinnitus is never a reason why it comes to mind.