I am so anxious to fail. I had to do homework for college. I will get a grade for it. My best friend read it. I was very anxious how he judges it. He said it was good. But he also said he is not sure about some points. Maybe I chose the wrong approach and I should start from scratch, Mabye I really made some mistakes. I spent a lot of time into it. I am so exhausted and it was very bad for my mental health. I really should not spend more time into it.
My grades in the past were really good. But I am everytime extremely anxious I could fail. I think this is caused by my abuse. Everytime I was not concentrated or disciplined enough my mom beat me up .
Honestly I don't know what to do. I have the strong urge to be perfect. I have the urge to work harder and harder. Till I collapse. My sleep rhythm is very dangerous currently. Tomorrow I will take a break. I will have to think about it again. I think I will get a good grade but probably not a very good one. Rationally I know I should care more about my mental health but my OCD is fucking up with me.
I am so scared to fail. So fucking scared. I think I will ruminate every day till I get the grade. I know similar habits from the past. And I worried so so much just for nothing. I got good grades and I should not be that anxious. But my brain does not learn the lesson. Every time no matter how hard I have worked the fear of failure is eating me alive.
I suspect in the end this will kill me and induce another mental break down. But these toxic behaviors are just too strong. I cannot escape them.
My grades in the past were really good. But I am everytime extremely anxious I could fail. I think this is caused by my abuse. Everytime I was not concentrated or disciplined enough my mom beat me up .
Honestly I don't know what to do. I have the strong urge to be perfect. I have the urge to work harder and harder. Till I collapse. My sleep rhythm is very dangerous currently. Tomorrow I will take a break. I will have to think about it again. I think I will get a good grade but probably not a very good one. Rationally I know I should care more about my mental health but my OCD is fucking up with me.
I am so scared to fail. So fucking scared. I think I will ruminate every day till I get the grade. I know similar habits from the past. And I worried so so much just for nothing. I got good grades and I should not be that anxious. But my brain does not learn the lesson. Every time no matter how hard I have worked the fear of failure is eating me alive.
I suspect in the end this will kill me and induce another mental break down. But these toxic behaviors are just too strong. I cannot escape them.
Last edited:
