I am scared of the clinic appointment tomorrow

[noname223]

Tomorrow will be my first day in that clinic. I went there several years ago and the clinic boss told me to that time I felt too good for a clinic stay. Despite the fact I felt nightmarish. 1-2 weeks ago I was at another day clinic and the psychiatrist said I felt too bad for being in a day clinic and I had to go to a clinic where I have to stay over night. I really don't want that. I am in a weird position. I am very anxious. I am unsure what to tell. How much of the truth are they able to handle?

The thing with just reach out is tricky. I am reaching out to people but I have the feeling most people don't care. Or they are overburdened with a severely chronically suicidal person that is just a wreck unable to live. And I am exactly that. Sorry I already posted a thread about this dilemma but I am so fucking anxious. I am scared to overburden my closest friends, support network and my self-help group. I cannot endure much more. SaSu is one of the few places I can be fully honest. Only in front of two of my closest friends I can be fully unfiltered oterwise. And I am aware that this number is already pretty high.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck!! Are u in the clinic now? I hope everything goes well for you!!

 

[Forever Sleep]

I really hope it goes well. It's natural to be nervous given your past experiences. I hope they are more supportive this time.

 

[noname223]

I am at home again. It is only a day clinic. I told a lot but not everything. I also mentioned I visit a suicide forum. And I am still free. I still have my freedom as I assumed I emphasized like a thousand times I am not acute suicidal. But I think this was unnecessary. I will tell this story this evening. Turn in and watch it only live at SaSu roundabout 9 pm. GMT+2. If I am too exhausted I will post it tomorrow.

 

[noname223]

Here is how it went (partly). I am exhausted. Cried again.

So I told the staff of the clinic that I visit a suicide forum and I am still free as free as a chronical suicidal person in despair can be...

I am little bit paranoid they might find out that it is this forum. I am not sure whether I should stay vague. But in my country there is close to zero coverage about sanctioned suicide. People who were close to be told me I should be open and transparent about everything at maximum. About all...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I really hope it goes well. It's natural to be nervous given your past experiences. I hope they are more supportive this time.

The highest boss there even thanked me for coming to his clinic After I thanked him for welcoming me. This dude knew that I am very desperate and that there is not much hope left for me.
(I think he also said that because I told him otherwise I would have killed myself a few weeks ago.