Venting i am in grief, gaslighting long term effects on my self-confidence and mind

[h i]

this past year ive been hit with countless of acts of gaslighting, as a result i have a sense of self doubt i never had, i struggle to form basic sentences out of fear for someone to misunderstand me, it wasn't like this before, i was so sure of what i spoke, now after being deliberately misunderstood repeatedly for anything i think, feel or express it has left a scar, where i cant write or say nothing without rethinking because i find flaws. im so slow to speak, and usually its a sign of wisdom but here its more fear than anything, fear of that pain and confusion ive dealt with. it hurts. i always want to cry or end up crying just thinking about it. ive never been this insecure. im a sensitive heart, this is too much for me :(

 

[EmptyBottle]

Welcome to SaSu.
Gaslighters are a nuisance... when people gaslight it makes me trust them less (tho unfortunately, gaslighters have the opposite effect more often... making others trust themselves less)... for some reason my own senses are more trusted by me than the words of others, especially if there's a mismatch.

Journaling has helped me btw, hopefully it can help u. If u wish for secrecy in journalling, consider using anything from a password-protected Microsoft Word document (accessed when u know u'll be alone), to writing in code with a hidden book (eg kept within lots of other stuff).

 

[h i]

Welcome to SaSu.
Gaslighters are a nuisance... when people gaslight it makes me trust them less (tho unfortunately, gaslighters have the opposite effect more often... making others trust themselves less)... for some reason my own senses are more trusted by me than the words of others, especially if there's a mismatch.

Journaling has helped me btw, hopefully it can help u. If u wish for secrecy in journalling, consider using anything from a password-protected Microsoft Word document (accessed when u know u'll be alone), to writing in code with a hidden book (eg kept within lots of other stuff).

thank you for welcoming me. that is well said, thank you. my problem is i live with someone who has gaslighted me, so i cant do anything. sometimes i feel coerced into all this, ive realized moving out to live with someone after just a years relationship or so was not my smartest decision...

these days i cling on to what i feel better, im more grounded in reality, but the wound from what ive went through doesnt go away all of a sudden, it was a deep gradual wound, i can only imagine recovery to be a gradual battle. the relationship has developed a big element of fear for me, im scared to express what im experiencing because it never gets received as something im experiencing but more like a personal attack which makes no sense.