I am in endless loop

[deathenvoy]

First anxiety that slowly goes out of control to a point I am not able to function and usually I land in mental hospital.
Then depression hits hard - I am going on medications that slows down my nervous system to a point I have no energy to go out of bed but my anxiety is under control.
Then stopping/switching medications. When I get more energy to live anxiety hits again and cycle repeats.
This is my life for previous 2 years. I was in 6 mental wards, tried 20 different medications, lost 2 jobs (and many more job opportunities) because of it. I am stuck in endless loop. To break this vicious cycle my only solution is to CTB.

 

[Kokobushi_bae26]

I feel you deathenvoy I'm so sorry you're in this loop. What method(s) are you considering?

 

[deathenvoy]

I feel you deathenvoy I'm so sorry you're in this loop. What method(s) are you considering?

I already own N. I am giving myself time to March 2020 if my life won't improve till that time I will CTB.

 

[Dino007]

I already own N. I am giving myself time to March 2020 if my life won't improve till that time I will CTB.

Where did you get the N from? I m looking for some.

First anxiety that slowly goes out of control to a point I am not able to function and usually I land in mental hospital.
Then depression hits hard - I am going on medications that slows down my nervous system to a point I have no energy to go out of bed.
Then stopping/switching medications. When I get more energy to live anxiety hits again and cycle repeats.
This is my life for previous 2 years. I was in 6 mental wards, tried 20 different medications, lost 2 jobs (and many more job opportunities) because of it. I am stuck in endless loop. To break this vicious cycle my only solution is to CTB.

I m so sorry you are going through this. I understand how it feels to be in the loop.

 

[deathenvoy]

Where did you get the N from? I m looking for some.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/megathread-getting-n-from-a.2544/page-110#post-336528

 

[Rukia]

I dont know what to say because of meds I have no energy too ...I am literally writing from my unmade bed :( I dont even have the strenght to sit at my desk :(

Maybe the losing of energy is the price you have to pay to be stable...

If you have to choose one: lack of depression, lack of anxiety or lack of energy which one would it be?

What is the prognosis? Try to ask if noone told you yet...
Mental suffering sometimes goes into remission...

 

[deathenvoy]

I dont know what to say because of meds I have no energy too ...I am literally writing from my unmade bed :( I dont even have the strenght to sit at my desk :(

Maybe the losing of energy is the price you have to pay to be stable...

If you have to choose one: lack of depression, lack of anxiety or lack of energy which one would it be?

What is the prognosis? Try to ask if noone told you yet...
Mental suffering sometimes goes into remission...

When I am in depression I cannot function.
When my anxiety spirals out of control I cannot function.
When I have no energy I cannot function.

So it doesn't really matter.