I am an abandoned character

[Abandoned Character]

I am an abandoned character.

I am not here to find out how to die.

I am here to profess without fear of judgement: I want to die.

I want all of this to go away.

I hate the me that thinks this way.

I hate that I am not changing

I hate this, I hate you, I hate me

I just don't want to do this anymore

I am lazy, I am an asshole, I am nothing

I don't want to work, yet I don't want to deal with consequence

I am enabled by my surroundings, this dysfunction will only get worse

I have to wake up

I have to wake up

I have to wake up

 

[timf]

The unattended life tends to worsen. If there is any way you could exercise some control, even such as small indulgences, it might be a foundation to build on.

 

[itsallpointless]

Sounds like we're on the same path. All the best I hope you get your act together. Like your poem because it shows you're trying to address the problem instead of running from it

 

[chocolatebar]

I am an abandoned character.

I am not here to find out how to die.

I am here to profess without fear of judgement: I want to die.

I want all of this to go away.

I hate the me that thinks this way.

I hate that I am not changing

I hate this, I hate you, I hate me

I just don't want to do this anymore

I am lazy, I am an asshole, I am nothing

I don't want to work, yet I don't want to deal with consequence

I am enabled by my surroundings, this dysfunction will only get worse

I have to wake up

I have to wake up

I have to wake up

You fear being judged
Yet you judge yourself...

Don't become your own enemy
The manifestation of your worst fears

Be gentle, be kind
Understand yourself before anything else

Don't call yourself lazy or asshole
Don't hate yourself

 

[FadingPossum]

I too feel like an abandoned character.

My story became stale and my development unsatisfying. The burden of being around my toxic behavior overcame any merits of my ideas or concepts.

I feel like a story on hiatus, one where the author may just decide not to come back. I am going around in circles trying to reclaim what I lost instead of moving on and finding something new.

But I don't want something new. I want to watch reruns of happier times until they feel like the present again.