Venting i always come back to these feelings, eventually

[catman]

its been several several years, but i havent made any progress in improving my mental health, or much of anything. ive always had some sort of pathetic hope but theres some things i cant change or are way too hard to change. theres no way erasing a lifetime of abuse and neglect, nor can i pretend ill just wake up one day and stop being this ugly person, i know this deep down.

why go even another day? im so tired. im exhausted. i went on zoloft again, nothing. its sad, because sometimes i feel i could have attempted and succeeded earlier if my depression/other undiagnosed mental illness issues didnt make getting out of bed besides for responsibilities i cannot avoid, impossible.

im completely estranged from all family, mostly my choice after a total breakdown. they havent tried hard to reach out or find me, and the fact that all this time, they wouldnt know if i was dead or alive, hurts so much. that i feel like i should just die, in this case. ive never gotten any recognition. every day is boring, insufferable, and i have to remember how worthless and ugly i am.

im going to be trying the slip knot partial hanging. i know im still scared, both of failing, and whatever happens after. or failing and being worse off after. i dont know. wish me luck.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

Make sure to be confident on your actions, if you are afraid of it, just do some "practice" and get the feeling, feel how your body reacts, study yourself; so when the day comes, it you know what to do and what to expect from you.

Best of luck.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life really is so horrible. I'm sorry that things are so hopeless, I am also tired of being alive. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[catman]

Life really is so horrible. I'm sorry that things are so hopeless, I am also tired of being alive. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

i hope that you can manage to as well, and im sorry we are both in this unfortunate circumstance. thank you for your kind words.

 

[ClownMe]

Im sorry youre in so much pain, I know first hand how much it sucks when you try to improve your mental state of mind but nothing works.