Help i accidentally told friend I'm on a suicide forum

[bakenohana]

What does someone do in this situation? for context while SaSu was down I was kinda freaking out because I've grown so attached to this place so quickly and I only really have 1 big circle of friends. I talked about this place without directly saying anything about it, they got curious because i kept talking about it and me being the oversharing idiot i am I told them about it because I didn't fully realize what I just did. I didn't name it but I did give a lot of hints which lead them to an article (unfortunately one heavily demonizing this place like usual). they saw it and acted like SaSu was the spawn of satan basically and that they 'Hope i get out of this" (). that aside, my main concern isn't that they know this place exists, Even if they found me (which they would because my profile is really really obvious) i couldn't care less if they see me talk about suicide lol i do that in our server everyday. The concern is that even though they said they wouldn't stalk and that they don't know the name of this place bc the article didn't state it, I'm still convinced they do know and I reply to threads pretty frequently from time to time (especially any regarding trans topics or dysphoria) im really worried they'll find me or already have found me and through that they'll find out im not cis because for the past 4 months I've been presenting myself as a cis guy to them. I know I got myself into this by being stupid but I don't know what to do from here. I know they would be supportive but i really do not want them to start treating me like a "trans person" and I've always told myself if they do I'll leave or ghost everyone from that group indefinitely, no matter how much i enjoy their company. Do i just leave them? change my profile? believe them when they say they don't know the name and wouldn't try look for me? i love my profile so even changing it is kinda hard lol. The idea of them knowing has been eating at my brain since it happened idk what to do fuck. does anyone have any advice i don't know if anyone has ever been in a similar situation. i could just leave but a big downside to leaving is that we all play a game together and they're pretty much the only reason im motivated to keep playing consistently because everyones always available to play together. this post is probs stupid but stupid people make stupid posts. this is public so if you're secretly seeing this hi i guess

 

[sanctionedusage]

prepare for the worst and hope for the best. i just don't understand how someone who actually doesn't want to be found would ever utter anything about the site or the topic, especially after just 2 weeks. be honest with yourself; and if you'd actually like to be noticed, acknowledged, and helped, then seek it out seriously. you have a lot of friends who sound concerned and serious about you enough to try to figure out the website you might be on, even if they might be kinda ignorant. there's also a recovery forum on here where you'd still get a lot of the same people that make sasu, sasu.

 

[bakenohana]

i just don't understand how someone who actually doesn't want to be found would ever utter anything about the site or the topic, especially after just 2 weeks.

i sometimes don't really think about what im saying especially in small groups of people that i consider friends and i just end up info dumping everything about myself to them, so even if i don't want them to know something and our friendship is dependent on them not knowing this theres always a slight risk that i might say or hint at it, i try my best to not but there are times where it gets the better of me if that makes sense

there's also a recovery forum on here where you'd still get a lot of the same people that make sasu, sasu.

i know, i would go there if i had any intent to recover but i dont really have any. i came to SaSu with the intention of having a place to talk before i ctb so i dont suppose it would make much sense for me to be there.

prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

i will, thank you for replying to this i didn't really think anyone would lol

 

[Scythe]

Change pfp and name perhaps? Quick way to stop people from recognizing, it's still possible but the possibility becomes extremely low. Especially if they don't know you're trans and you mostly talk about that. Since they don't know what you're struggling with. I also suggest deleting this post.

 

[webb&flow]

i recommend not deleting this post there is no chance of them discovering it or your profile

no way in hell they would open this site, see the front page, and keep browsing.

 

[bakenohana]

no way in hell they would open this site, see the front page, and keep browsing.

i guess you're right, from my understanding they are quite sensitive to the subject of suicide, it took them a while to even tolerate my constant joking about it amongst our friend group so the idea that they would open this place and have the mental strength to go through it all in order to find me is low. Can't help the paranoia though after all there's always a chance that they're just lying and they would have absolutely no problem going through this site, or that they try and find me regardless out of "concern" for me

 

[webb&flow]

Lying might be possible (unlikely). But. A non-suicidal (i.e. never been suicidal) person willingly enduring the intense content on many aspects of this forum, is immensely unlikely.

You've experienced a lot of difficult stuff in your life, resulting in your feeling a degree of sympathy towards other people in such pain. Most people are just so shocked by others' pain that they just look away.

If your friends somehow came here, they would just back out immediately. No way in hell they'd look through post after post.

If they WERE that willing; they'd be great people to discuss suicidal emotion with, people who are not afraid to discuss heavy stuff like that.

Your friends are not going to waste time going on a wild good chase. Your account is secure, I assure.

P.S. This is an interestingly common concern around here. You aren't alone in this.

 

[bakenohana]

Lying might be possible (unlikely). But. A non-suicidal (i.e. never been suicidal) person willingly enduring the intense content on many aspects of this forum, is immensely unlikely.

does it make a difference if they have been suicidal in the past but aren't anymore? their experience with it and the people they know who have ctb are what im assuming to be the reason why the topic is so heavy to them, just wondering if it makes the chances any more likely if they have been suicidal.

P.S. This is an interestingly common concern around here. You aren't alone in this.

Oh damn, it is? colour me suprised lol

If your friends somehow came here, they would just back out immediately. No way in hell they'd look through post after post.

If they WERE that willing; they'd be great people to discuss suicidal emotion with, people who are not afraid to discuss heavy stuff like that.

Your friends are not going to waste time going on a wild good chase. Your account is secure, I assure.

thanks for taking the time to respond to this, it was pretty reassuring

 

[ScaredCutter]

You need to reply to this thread or react to this post in order to see this content.

if ur worried when u post, u can also use these!

 

[bakenohana]

[Hidden content]

if ur worried when u post, u can also use these!

I've been wondering how people do this for a while, thanks :)

 

[webb&flow]

does it make a difference if they have been suicidal in the past but aren't anymore? their experience with it and the people they know who have ctb are what im assuming to be the reason why the topic is so heavy to them, just wondering if it makes the chances any more likely if they have been suicidal.

You should find ways of gently prodding the subject. Say stuff like "Would it make you uncomfortable if I asked to talk about XYZ?"

It's kind of a nuanced situation here. You should ask them questions about their own thoughts, emotions, and perspective, and try to figure out how they feel about discussing the subject. Some are cool with talking about it, others don't want to even dip a toe into it. People can have their own reservations about their own lives, but it's hard to have discussions with someone who doesn't want to have them. They are free to not discuss it, and you are also free to carefully choose the people you discuss such serious matters with.

Too many words. "Is this person going to shut down if I bring up suicidal emotions?" "Are they okay with discussing suicidal emotions?" Ask questions like these to find the right person.

There ARE loving and intelligent and empathetic people who will be excellent friends and listeners and advisors to you. They can't be there 24/7 and sometimes they will have to deal with their own lives, but there are people 9n this world willing to connect and care. I wish you best of luck in finding them.

P.S. You're free to write to me more on this subject. I like to talk, so, feel free to attach another reply to this thread, to PM me, to post a question on my profile, anything, really. May you find care and love and embrace . You don't have to endure this alone .

P.P.S. Your trans identity is real and valid.