I absolutely hate this

[Alwaysbadtime]

I'm fucked. I know this. I am pissed about the present moment, past and future. Today my bf took off for day 2 of a party. He said he would be back in the evening. Texted saying he is spending the night. I handle being alone very poorly. I do nothing and it's horrible. Yesterday he and I went to the party. It was trigger after trigger. I think I told too many people how fucked I am and was paranoid it would get back to him. I don't think so. My bf is Mr. Talkative Happy...Last night he and I stayed up and got high (not pot) and I talked about my idea of 'going'. He explained how it would unravel his existence. It's just so lame...and sad...

I truly have nothing to do except feel like shit and feel fearful.

I'm super pissed and sad. What I talked about with others at the party was sad and embarrassing.

I want to tell him to come back and not spend the night, but I don't think he would and he would be really pissy if he came back early on my account.

Everyday is the worst day ever and I know it can get much worse.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Everyone is going through their own shit...I know...Well he said he would be back in the morning and then texted this morning that he lost his car key so I 'may need to drive and give it to him'....'May'? No, I have to. And it's not that he needs me now, it's by 3 pm.

It was very confusing and isolated surrounding driving there. Cell phones don't work there. So...I guess I have to write down fucking horrible directions and leave by 2 to get there. He mentioned waiting at a store...I don't know where this is. There is a gate code to get into marina. He says he has one bar on his cell phone and is not responding to my questions in texts.

I'm hugely pissed. The first year I was with him my mom said: write a memoir. Oh really fucking horrible bitch...What the fuck would I have to say?

This is a load of shit. There are huge cliffs to drive off. I fantasize about doing this...but I won't. I FUCKING HATE THIS. He is obsessed with having fun. This is so stupid and very shitty.