Discussion How you deal with the idea that your parent might find you?

[babyneo1]

The idea scares me, imagine being a parent and see your child CTB

I'm having slowly second thoughts

 

[Macedonian1987]

This is literally the only thing that keeps me alive. If my parents weren't alive I would have ctb 10 years ago. In the last 10 years of my life nothing change for the better for me. Everything became much worse than it was before. Loneliness, health issues, loveless life... everything was already bad to begin with 10 years ago, but now is much worse.

 

[babyneo1]

This is literally the only thing that keeps me alive. If my parents weren't alive I would have ctb 10 years ago. In the last 10 years of my life nothing change for the better for me. Everything became much worse than it was before. Loneliness, health issues, loveless life... everything was already bad to begin with 10 years ago, but now is much worse.

This is the most difficult step for me, I can't live and going like this, but the sheer thought of parent finding you is scary mentally for me at least

 

[Afterglow]

For me, it's not even something I really think about, it doesn't bother me at all. If she wanted me alive she wouldn't have mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abused me as a child. I see this as retribution.

 

[babyneo1]

Oh sorry about it, didn't know

For me, it's not even something I really think about, it doesn't bother me at all. If she wanted me alive she wouldn't have mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abused me as a child. I see this as retribution.

But I feel like you can succeed and not take her into the journey or understand why she behaved like this

 

[suacide]

Honestly I'm not really sure. I already lost my mum last year so that's no longer a worry; though it's become just another incentive to leave too, but I fear what it'd do to my dad who's already… changing? His memory isn't as sharp, he's been telling me it's hard for him to think, he's a softer person these days and he has all kinds of physical health problems and terrible breathing issues.
I think ultimately, I just have to wait for him to pass.
Anyone else in my family isn't close enough to me to cry over it, they'd get over it even if they force a few tears and refer to me like a shallow tragedy for a while, or maybe even blame me for taking matters into my own hands.
Even then, I think life for my dad would move on. The only person whose life wouldn't is already gone.

 

[babyneo1]

Honestly I'm not really sure. I already lost my mum last year so that's no longer a worry; though it's become just another incentive to leave too, but I fear what it'd do to my dad who's already… changing? His memory isn't as sharp, he's been telling me it's hard for him to think, he's a softer person these days and he has all kinds of physical health problems and terrible breathing issues.
I think ultimately, I just have to wait for him to pass.
Anyone else in my family isn't close enough to me to cry over it, they'd get over it even if they force a few tears and refer to me like a shallow tragedy for a while, or maybe even blame me for taking matters into my own hands.
Even then, I think life for my dad would move on. The only person whose life wouldn't is already gone.

Think it would be really hard for the dad indeed, I have two relatively healthy parents in their 60s but I want to CTB, because of my lack of future and past mistakes and pain

 

[SUlClDE]

The idea scares me, imagine being a parent and see your child CTB

I'm having slowly second thoughts

When you are dead nothing matters, if you have second thoughts because of this, i honestly don't think you should commit suicide.

 

[babyneo1]

When you are dead nothing matters, if you have second thoughts because of this, i honestly don't think you should commit suicide.

I just don't like myself and life around me and no future prospect, just imagining pain I bring by being alive or CTBed

 

[PanaxMan]

The idea scares me, imagine being a parent and see your child CTB

I'm having slowly second thoughts

Good. Don't really care myself. Just the thought of my sister finding though

 

[meatballlover]

Really likely the number 1 reason why i cant pull through

 

[stiarling]

The idea scares me, imagine being a parent and see your child CTB

I'm having slowly second thoughts

THat would be bad, one time they were about to catch me, and i freaked out and threw the ropes outside the window,

It will ruin EVERYTHING

 

[ImNotReal]

I live with both parents and my brother. Killing myself in my room is a non-option to me. I plan on walking into a nearby forest and doing the deed there. Leaving notes behind and stuff yk

 

[babyneo1]

I live with both parents and my brother. Killing myself in my room is a non-option to me. I plan on walking into a nearby forest and doing the deed there. Leaving notes behind and stuff yk

Good idea

 

[babyneo1]

THat would be bad, one time they were about to catch me, and i freaked out and threw the ropes outside the window,

It will ruin EVERYTHING

I will do SN at night

 

[tonicer]

It's easy for me because my dad is sick and bedridden and my mom will probably only live for 10-15 more years. So all i have to do is wait for both to die before i follow them into death.

 

[babyneo1]

It's easy for me because my dad is sick and bedridden and my mom will probably only live for 10-15 more years. So all i have to do is wait for both to die before i follow them into death.

10-15 years is a lot, not sure how world will be

 

[tonicer]

10-15 years is a lot, not sure how world will be

I'm 43 and in last 10-15 nothing big has changed. Same old shit just with a new paint job. Also i don't have a choice. I can't harm my mother by committing suicide that would break her heart.

 

[babyneo1]

I'm 43 and in last 10-15 nothing big has changed. Same old shit just with a new paint job. Also i don't have a choice. I can't harm my mother by committing suicide that would break her heart.

I'm scared my dad will pass if he discovers me CTB

 

[in hell out soon]

back when i tried the first time to catch the bus in 2016, both of my parents were still alive. i still regret not being successful as things never did get better. and one of my parents died within a few months.

the other bio parent died in 2021.

so i have outlived my parents and i should be able to just leave whenever i want, i still have an elder sister, and it's her that i'm scared of finding my body. but i am out of options where i live right now.

i have never had a dad, so i know since he never bothered to find me in life until it was online, and he was briefly friendly until i find out that i was actually just a coercion baby the whole time. there is a strong part of me that just does not care if he somehow finds my dead body. good. let him feel regret for over 30 years of neglect to this family. let him feel regret for causing this.

edit: edited out some identifying info just in case my friends somehow find this after i die, not that im trying to show them anything, jus being paranoid i think.

 

[tonicer]

I'm scared my dad will pass if he discovers me CTB

Wait until he dies of old age. No parent should have to bury their kid.

 

[babyneo1]

back when i tried the first time to catch the bus in 2016, both of my moms were still alive. i still regret not being successful as things never did get better. and one of my moms died within a few months.

the other died in 2021.

both moms died of cancer. i then also got cancer and lived. i wish i hadn't. why the fuck am i the one surviving and the good people are dying?

so i have outlived my parents and i should be able to just leave whenever i want, i still have an elder sister, and it's her that i'm scared of finding my body. but i am out of options where i live right now.

i have never had a dad, so i know since he never bothered to find me in life until it was online, and he was briefly friendly until i find out that i was actually just a coercion baby the whole time. there is a strong part of me that just does not care if he somehow finds my dead body. good. let him feel regret for over 30 years of neglect to this family. let him feel regret for causing this.

Wait until he dies of old age. No parent should have to bury their kid.

I can't, life is too crap to cling on to, I understand that no parent should bury the kid, but living like this isn't life as well

back when i tried the first time to catch the bus in 2016, both of my parents were still alive. i still regret not being successful as things never did get better. and one of my parents died within a few months.

the other bio parent died in 2021.

so i have outlived my parents and i should be able to just leave whenever i want, i still have an elder sister, and it's her that i'm scared of finding my body. but i am out of options where i live right now.

i have never had a dad, so i know since he never bothered to find me in life until it was online, and he was briefly friendly until i find out that i was actually just a coercion baby the whole time. there is a strong part of me that just does not care if he somehow finds my dead body. good. let him feel regret for over 30 years of neglect to this family. let him feel regret for causing this.

edit: edited out some identifying info just in case my friends somehow find this after i die, not that im trying to show them anything, jus being paranoid i think.

It's okay, I saw the pre-edited version

I am worried about my dad discovering the body, hurts inside to imagine the horror

 

[glass-petal]

the simple answer is i can't. i couldn't bring myself to do that to my mother, no matter how sick I get, no matter how much I'm hurting, i just can't do that to her

 

[tonicer]

I can't, life is too crap to cling on to, I understand that no parent should bury the kid, but living like this isn't life as well

Is your relationship with your parents a bad one? Mine is good, especially with my mom. I won't do anything to harm her or even my father who is more of a cold distant parent but he was also always very patient and good to me. If your parents were good to you too don't do it while they still live. I believe as children we have a sort of responsibility to kinda pay back what our parents did for us, not with money obviously but through our actions. My life is also really crappy. I am a 43 year old KHHV guy after all and i don't even have a job. I doubt there is someone who is a bigger looser than me. I go to bed in the evening thinking that i made it through another day somehow. This situation is tearing me up inside and i don't know a way out other than suicide. I apply for jobs all the damn time but nobody wants me. I also tried getting a girlfriend but women look at me with disgust. Only my mother loves me so i have to continue living somehow.