Discussion How would you like people to support to you?

[lovedread]

Hello SaSu community,

I was wondering, as mentally ill people in recovery, what would you wish the people around you did to support you? Emotional check-ins? Providing you material support? Emotional support, like giving you a shoulder to cry on? Help you get things done that you don't have the motivation for? What would best support you?

 

[ashendreams]

more than anything i need someone to help me do all the shit i need to do to get my life together. i'd think it's abundantly clear i cant do anything on my own but nobody seems to notice. im absolutely incapable of asking for help though and i'll always pretend everything is fine so i guess nobody even realizes anything is wrong. so in that case the best thing would be for someone to actually notice how miserable i really am and seriously ask me if im okay. then maybe i could ask for help.

 

[monetpompo]

i just want someone to be around me and offer to do things with me. none of my friends reach out to me anymore and i often hardly spend time with anyone. i just want someone to ask me if they want to go along somewhere with them to do chores or somewhere they were planning to go on their own. i feel like no one's wanted to spend time with me since my mental health got worse.

 

[manicstreetbeeper]

listen, validate; offer input if asked, and share their own experiences as well if they'd like to.

 

[Rynalia]

so in that case the best thing would be for someone to actually notice how miserable i really am and seriously ask me if im okay. then maybe i could ask for help.

Ooooh. I feel this one.

I'm so unmotivated to ask for help these days. I basically can't ask for help.

When I try to get help, I get people who try to gaslight me into thinking it's nothing to worry about, don't believe what I say, or people who straight up dismiss anything I have to say.

So I don't say anything and instead hope that someone notices the glowing neon signs of how much suffering I'm going through. It's super obvious. But apparently that's not clear enough for anyone and they just tell me to say it directly and ask for help claiming they won't know otherwise. See above paragraph.

I'd wish someone around me would actually listen and take what I say seriously. I shouldn't have to play 5D chess to receive the support I need.

i just want someone to be around me and offer to do things with me. none of my friends reach out to me anymore and i often hardly spend time with anyone.

This one too, ugh.

I value reciprocative friendships a lot. But I can never seem to find people who do the same.

But sometimes it feels like I'm doing all of the legwork in my friendships. Doing all the inviting (only to get shot down all the time), doing all the coordinating (only for something to fall through), etc. I wish people would value me as a friend as much as I do them.

Then I also just get demotivated and stop taking initiative and just ghost.

Then I get unceremoniously slapped in the face when they suddenly ask why we never hang out or do stuff together. Oh like gee, I wonder? Why do I suddenly matter when it's far too late? Why start now?

I loathe being the convenient friend or last option friend.

--

On the original topic though:

I don't know if it's possible for me to get the support I need honestly. I feel the barriers in order to get what I need are just far too difficult (read: I'm asking for too much).

I don't think anyone around me is willing to put that much time and effort to deal with my layers and layers of problems.

Not only that, but I doubt anyone would be willing to put themselves in a position where they will absolutely get hurt.

So I'm stuck with these shallow relationships with everyone... Where they never actually get to know Ryn in their entirety, whatever that may contain.

The good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between. Every single bit and piece.

 

[ForsakenEcho]

I really appreciate it when my friends can tell that I'm not doing well. I tend to shut myself off from my own feelings, and I usually don't ask for help because I'm afraid of bothering someone or getting in the way of their life.

So when one of them asks how I'm doing, it honestly brings me a lot of relief. Just being able to talk about what's bothering me usually brings me a bit of peace.

 

[nobeertonight]

Hello SaSu community,

I was wondering, as mentally ill people in recovery, what would you wish the people around you did to support you? Emotional check-ins? Providing you material support? Emotional support, like giving you a shoulder to cry on? Help you get things done that you don't have the motivation for? What would best support you?

Having someone who can listen is probably the only thing I'd ask, but again not everyone is a good listener, and real care is shown in small, little details I think. In other words a good friend is what supports you, but we live in a time where friendships are shallow I think.

 

[isthisit?]

nothing, its my thing to figure out. The only thing telling them would achieve would be making them worry.