Help How to stop oversharing about suicide/death?

[NiicheKey]

I have a problem and need advice. Recently I've been talking about suicide/death in detail in the most random moments. I have tendency of overexplaining myself and going into "unnecessary detail", and since "I live in death more than in life", I see myself during conversations talk about previous attempts, how certain methods work or hopelessness. I try so hard to not go into drastic descriptions, yet I feel I share too much (maybe bc idk what's drastic or not in pov of others)
I don't do this intentionally, it's in spite of a moment! I don't remember half of the things afterwards!

I don't share my current plans, but at the same time I subconsciously share my risky feelings. I feel stupid afterwards, so I apologise. Usually person I spoke to feels stunned, concerned, yet unable to react and just says "It's okay, it's okay to vent".
The worst thing is when I get triggered more badly, I'm babbling inconsistent nonsense. I try to pull myself together, but it looks from outside (and feels inside) like I'm loosing my mind and the person next to me just doesn't know what to do.
[Imagine your stereotypical maniac with hands on their head saying scattered words]

How to stop it? Going dry is alarming, self-isolation results in emotional outburst. I tried to keep positive facade, but something small can remind me of my pain and it happens again.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I think you should just try to avoid bringing it up with people as much as possible but also have at least someone or somewhere that you know you can openly talk about it. Like this website for example. Maybe try to express your feelings here more, and even try to make friends? There are threads where you can make friends and possibly have someone to talk to. You can always message me if you need someone. God bless.

 

[disgustedbyhumanity]

i don't want to be mean, but what helps me keep it inside or "contain" it if you will, is realizing people in real life usually don't care. sasu is better to express your feelings than irl because at least this is website has a concentrated topic.

 

[glass-petal]

when you bring up topics like that around other people, you will often—for lack of a better phrase—trigger a sort of automatic script in their minds. their range of responses tends to become very limited and predictable. most reactions usually fall into a few categories: genuine concern, performative or expected concern, discomfort, distress, or some combination. If those are not the reactions you are seeking; if you do not want people to assume you are crying out for help or to respond more seriously and dramatically than you intended. then it is usually best to avoid making comments like that whenever possible. of course that is far easier said than done when your mind has become so intensely fixated on something like this, so don't beat yourself up about letting how you feel slip. you're allowed to feel the way you do, and in a perfect world you shouldn't have to act a certain way to make others more comfortable around you. dark humour is one way I've seen people be able to find a good balance between being able to say what's on their mind more freely. and of course if you need an outlet for a more serious or in-depth conversation this forum is a good option and may lessen the feeling of needing bring up the topic so often.