How to stop living in the past?

[mentalhealthfighter]

I want to move forward in life but I keep having certain thoughts come up that cause an emotional reaction. Its mostly about social mistakes that ive made.

Anyone have tips?

 

[user_name_here]

I think your brain keeps reliving these thoughts as a way to prevent you from making those mistakes in the future. Think of it like "hey remember when X happened? Let's never do that again"

As for breaking out of these thought loops, they could partially be triggered by certain activities or actions you've become accustomed to. One way to help break this loop could be to identify what exactly is triggering the thoughts. Be it an activity or just certain media you consume.

Another way could be to introduce new activities to your day to day.

I hope that's somewhat helpful and relevant, apologies if it's not.

Disclaimer: I'm not a mental health professional

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

I think your brain keeps reliving these thoughts as a way to prevent you from making those mistakes in the future. Think of it like "hey remember when X happened? Let's never do that again"

As for breaking out of these thought loops, they could partially be triggered by certain activities or actions you've become accustomed to. One way to help break this loop could be to identify what exactly is triggering the thoughts. Be it an activity or just certain media you consume.

Another way could be to introduce new activities to your day to day.

I hope that's somewhat helpful and relevant, apologies if it's not.

Disclaimer: I'm not a mental health professional

I think you're close. The first part seems correct to me, the second part doesn't seem to be the case. I think I should write about the events.

 

[OrcWitch]

I will try to give my two cents without using platitudes but it's difficult. I don't know if it's applicable to you, but it helped me.

Basically what I've learned is that you have to forgive yourself. Do so with the same patience you might extend someone else who was posting here about their past mistakes. I used to feel so much anguish remembering all the stupid embarrassing things I've done, and all the mistakes I've made with ex-friends. Sometimes it would just be replaying flashbacks and cursing at how shameful it is. But we're all human and do dumb stuff and we grow. The reason you might not be able to let go is because you are holding yourself to too high of a standard.

I used to have agonizing memories of things I did and I didn't know why I couldn't get rid of them, when everyone else from that time must have forgot a long time ago. I realized it was because I was angry with myself for my own behavior and never took the time to say "It's okay, I forgive you".

I've heard a tip to imagine you could sit down and have a conversation with that past self, treat this younger you as if they were your little brother or sister. What would you tell them about the mistake they have made? What were they going through at the time, how were they raised, what circumstances led them to behave the way they did, etc.? Most likely outside factors heavily influenced them, and you can undo that burden of responsibility you're putting on yourself.

 

[user_name_here]

Writing can be helpful. It can act as a way of transferring/venting some of those negative thoughts. While they still might persist, it could be at a much reduced frequency.

Also, might seem corny, but another way to really confront some of these would be the My name is Earl approach where you contact the people you might have been negatively effected by or effected. This is know to almost re-write the trauma, like write a new chapter. It kinda pushes the old thoughts to the back and focuses on the newer ones.

Again, might not be relevant and requires a lot of bravery. I can't sit here and say "I've done it" or "I would if I were you"... Truth is I probably wouldn't. But just thought I'd try and pitch a few ideas for you

 

[Hurt]

Try MINDFULNESS and focus on the present. We don't have the past. The only thing we have is the present.

 

[again_noidea]

I want to move forward in life but I keep having certain thoughts come up that cause an emotional reaction. Its mostly about social mistakes that ive made.

Anyone have tips?

ice bathing, like going into really cold water. you will forget the past instantly. look up Wim Hof method

 

[Makko]

Most of my memories are suppressed by fantasy. If you have a fantasy-prone personality this could work. It brings its own issues though.

 

[again_noidea]

Most of my memories are suppressed by fantasy. If you have a fantasy-prone personality this could work. It brings its own issues though.

I hardly remember anything from my childhood. I annoy you a little and recommend to you the books of Melanie Klein. In her writing, she gives you permission to feel your authentic feelings. It helped me, but I was at the right point, almost cracked open, but it is worth trying (they are not hard to read). You are lucky, at least you have your imagination, fantasy can act like a time capsule in which your feelings get transported with you until you are ready to take them in again (just my interpretation).

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Active inner voice, talking to urself in ur head.

 

[Deleted member 8579]

I think your brain keeps reliving these thoughts as a way to prevent you from making those mistakes in the future. Think of it like "hey remember when X happened? Let's never do that again"

"I have learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly."
- Peter Cook

It is not sufficient to remember a past mistake in order to avoid repeating it, as long as it remains unknown what exactly lead to committing it.
If you believe that the solution to 2x+3=7 is 5 and are told it's wrong, you won't be able to solve the problem in the future by simply remembering that the answer is not 5; you need to understand what exactly your mistake was.

 

[Makko]

Active inner voice, talking to urself in ur head.

What are some topics you talk to yourself about?

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

What are some topics you talk to yourself about?

Mostly self-soothing and planning, usually the same things over and over.

 

[Mr2005]

I'm unable. Life mistakes dating back 16/17 years. It's too much of a culture shock to ever go back to reality so living in the past is the best I can hope for

 

[FuneralCry]

Maybe trying to distract yourself from the thoughts, that is what I try and do when I am reminded of past events. It is difficult as we can never forget anything. I find it hard to move on. I have nothing helpful to say really. If only it was easier.

 

[Quiet Desperation]

After you have given yourself some time enough to mourn your losses, permanently delete or throw away things that remind you of the mistakes or people involved. Pictures, mementos, letters, emails, whatever. It is understandable to want to keep them around and revisit them, but this has been shown to stir up all the negative feelings again and prevent you from moving on.

If I could only take my own advice.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I'm unable. Life mistakes dating back 16/17 years. It's too much of a culture shock to ever go back to reality so living in the past is the best I can hope for

Same. :(

 

[OnlyTheWind]

I'm unable. Life mistakes dating back 16/17 years. It's too much of a culture shock to ever go back to reality so living in the past is the best I can hope for

This. I don't even want to let go. I want to go back.