How to stay sane during gaslighting

[Iwouldratherdie]

I live with my abusive dad that will do abusive things but then he acted gentle and pretended to be sympathetic and empathetic and I completely forgot all the abusive things he's done. He pretended to care about something I know he doesn't actually care about but for some reason it felt real. When he pretended to be nice I felt like crying then I felt this horrible feeling in my stomach, this butterflies in my stomach feeling and it won't go away. Please help.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

What's frustrating is that there are so many books published about gaslighting and manipulation tactics, but no advice for how to manage other than to go no contact. I've found the book Boundaries to be helpful and empowering, but people who gaslight have no respect for boundaries and constantly assault them. Awareness of his techniques is helpful, but it's totally understandable that you get worn down, that's a primary goal of the techniques.

I'm sorry I can't offer you more. I wish I could. You have my empathy.

Edit: Something that may help -- Google emotional freedom technique and Tapas acupressure technique. There are also tutorials on YouTube for both.

 

[littlemisssunshine]

My mind would just block out the abuse with my last ex so I'd literally forget stuff he'd done which is one reason I found it hard to break away. As well as constant minimising. I'd question myself and my own sanity and my childhood abuse was also used against me and blamed for my sensitivity. I found it helpful to write down every incident and just keep lists of anything that happens. Yeah it was all very similar stuff but it makes it clear how much you actually put up with as they do make you feel like you are are working it all into a frenzy up especially when they are being really kind after the abuse and minimising and then you begin to question yourself.

try to find any distractions you can. Sleep as much as possible. Watch films/ documentaries. Do art/ baking. Read. Go out with friends if you are allowed out the house. Do anything to try take your mind off of it and remember you are living in a war zone and to be kind to yourself it's so hard