How to reduce the survival instinct..?

[AnonymousS]

I have attempted to go from from a very high point in the UK. I cannot seem to fight the fear response when i go up. I have taken some stuff like alcohol, or certain medications, but i just cannot seem to do it. In my head i can just think close your eyes and just step over. My fear response just keeps stopping me. I need to do this. Do any of you guys have any suggestions please ? I just feel overwhelmed and desperate, thanks.

 

[Soulless Angel]

On that edge, take yourself to the darkest point in your mind, tell yourself why you are there, pull into your body every pain and anger, remind yourself your life and what it will be if it continues, I have been there, I nearly stepped off, SI is no issue to me, discoving family behind me is!

I in no way am encouraging this, I am just answering a question

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, jumping is a scary method. I would never be able to get the courage for that. It is difficult to overcome the survival instinct as we are programmed to survive. If I knew a answer, I would be already gone. However I believe I will eventually reach a point where I cannot deal with this life anymore and I am completely hopeless. Then I think I will be able to overcome any fears of dying.

 

[8evergo]

und wenn wir uns ganz fest halten vor denn Sprung

 

[eternalmelancholy]

To me, jumping is a scary method. I would never be able to get the courage for that. It is difficult to overcome the survival instinct as we are programmed to survive. If I knew a answer, I would be already gone. However I believe I will eventually reach a point where I cannot deal with this life anymore and I am completely hopeless. Then I think I will be able to overcome any fears of dying.

Jumping onto a hard surface (not water) would be instant death given the right height. Sounds good on paper but some of us experience extreme vertigo when staring down from a height.

I am starting to think there is no easy or perfect method. You just have to bite down and do it. Look at how many members here have N or firearms in their possessions for years on end. Pulling the trigger so to speak is not so easy when you know what the outcome will be.

I thought exposing myself to methods and doing practice runs would help easy my anxiety over dying but I think it has made my SI even stronger.

 

[AnonymousS]

Jumping onto a hard surface (not water) would be instant death given the right height. Sounds good on paper but some of us experience extreme vertigo when staring down from a height.

I am starting to think there is no easy or perfect method. You just have to bite down and do it. Look at how many members here have N or firearms in their possessions for years on end. Pulling the trigger so to speak is not so easy when you know what the outcome will be.

I thought exposing myself to methods and doing practice runs would help easy my anxiety over dying but I think it has made my SI even stronger.

Thanks to everyone for their replies, it's so hard. Death for me i have no fear, but it's like an invisible barrier that i try to bust through. I know in probably 8-10 seconds after stepping off, all will be over with. I think you are right in what you said about just bite down and do it. I have attempted multiple times, and got very close. I just want out that's all i want.

On that edge, take yourself to the darkest point in your mind, tell yourself why you are there, pull into your body every pain and anger, remind yourself your life and what it will be if it continues, I have been there, I nearly stepped off, SI is no issue to me, discoving family behind me is!

I in no way am encouraging this, I am just answering a question

Thanks very much for your thoughtful answer, don't worry about about encouraging either. I am a 47 year old man, i have no family at least. That is a good thing. I am quite isolated so it is easier in that respect. Also a very long history of depression, anxiety, trauma etc. I will consider what i need to do, because you are very correct in what you say. My life is over, if i carry on it will be me becoming homeless again. I will not be on the streets again, i have been there and it was awful. I know i am at my end, but i am comfortable with that. If someone offered me barbiturates to drink, it would be perfect. I would drink it and be perfectly calm. I appreciate all your replies, as i know you are all suffering too. It's a very isolating and alienating position to be in. Society in most countries is very immature.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Thanks very much for your thoughtful answer, don't worry about about encouraging either. I am a 47 year old man, i have no family at least. That is a good thing. I am quite isolated so it is easier in that respect. Also a very long history of depression, anxiety, trauma etc. I will consider what i need to do, because you are very correct in what you say. My life is over, if i carry on it will be me becoming homeless again. I will not be on the streets again, i have been there and it was awful. I know i am at my end, but i am comfortable with that. If someone offered me barbiturates to drink, it would be perfect. I would drink it and be perfectly calm. I appreciate all your replies, as i know you are all suffering too. It's a very isolating and alienating position to be in. Society in most countries is very immature.

Yes it is very isolating to be suicidal. It is also very insulting that society views us as incapable of making sound decisions. Suicide comes down to realizing death is a better option than prolonged misery.

After a while you kind of understand where your life is headed. People act like you can just start over fresh at any age and we all know that is not true. My biggest fear is ending up old, alone and bitter because I was incapable of ctb'ing when I had the chance.

 

[AnonymousS]

Yes it is very isolating to be suicidal. It is also very insulting that society views us as incapable of making sound decisions. Suicide comes down to realizing death is a better option than prolonged misery.

After a while you kind of understand where your life is headed. People act like you can just start over fresh at any age and we all know that is not true. My biggest fear is ending up old, alone and bitter because I was incapable of ctb'ing when I had the chance.

Indeed i feel the same way, i have had some good times in my life. I am grateful for that, but i have several chronic health conditions that cannot be reversed. We cannot wave a magic wand to make things better for ourselves, or others. However as you stated we are clear in our minds. Preventing suicide in some circumstances is like reducing us to a child like state. We know how we feel, and we should have a right to say ok i have had enough now No one should be forced because of a lack of health care, housing, psychotherapy etc, to have to jump in front of a train, overdose, hang ourselves, often causing trauma to others. It's not our fault and it is wrong to put anyone in that position. Some then say we're selfish, that's bullshit, we need options not posters up with phone numbers etc.

 

[Death is beautiful]

I noticed that if you often watch news about suicide, it slightly reduces SI because it starts to seem commonplace, or you can be inspired by people who have committed suicide

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

As others have brilliantly stated, if I had the answer I would not be here typing on this forum right now, unless the afterlife happened to have internet connection.

Banter aside, reading this made me so terribly sad for you. I can't imagine how badly it must hurt to weather your way through homelessness and constant pain only to end up alone and isolated at the end of all that turmoil.

You deserve so so so much better. 47 years of having to endure all this.. fathoming it is impossible for me. I am not even half your age, so it blows my mind how much strength you must have to put up with this cruel game we call life everyday.

When it comes to survival instinct, this is my main struggle too. My heart breaks for you knowing you have to be gripped by that harrowing fear too. No one should ever have to contemplate dying painfully by their own hand, much less get to the stage where we have to face the most intense terror known to man directly head on. This life is so cruel.

I have been on this site a long time now. I secured my method months ago. I have attempted ctb and failed. Every time I am overcome with fear despite knowing the outcome if I continue to forcibly cling to life. I know my chronic illnesses will never get better, my dead family and friends won't come back, I will continue to be alone, and I will continue to suffer.

Yet, I simply can't bring myself to drink the SN, as I found the prep incredibly painful. If I knew how to stop being afraid, my name would already be crossed out. People make it look so easy, but I have always been terrified of the transition between life and death.

 

[Chockles]

I've left it too late to do any other method bar N as I'm now bed ridden 9 months in incredible physical pain. Yet before I became completely bed ridden I failed to jump or drown myself. I tried dehydration death when I was no longer able to get out the house but thirst was so bad after 3 days I crawled to kitchen tap for water despite being bed ridden. Next week I try & buy N & cannot afford to fail. I am simply in so much agony I cannot go on yet I worry about not being able to get the fluid down or vomiting it up & failing. It's mad as my physical is so extreme & badly impacting my mental health, my elderly parents don't want to see me sufferring anymore tho they are upset they accept my need to die. It is only me that has stopping things happening before things became a torturous barely existing hell yet it's not terminal I could live for decades as it's my nerves misfiring everywhere. I am now over my SI i have nothing to survive for but I am still scared of failureto succeed.

 

[AnonymousS]

As others have brilliantly stated, if I had the answer I would not be here typing on this forum right now, unless the afterlife happened to have internet connection.

Banter aside, reading this made me so terribly sad for you. I can't imagine how badly it must hurt to weather your way through homelessness and constant pain only to end up alone and isolated at the end of all that turmoil.

You deserve so so so much better. 47 years of having to endure all this.. fathoming it is impossible for me. I am not even half your age, so it blows my mind how much strength you must have to put up with this cruel game we call life everyday.

When it comes to survival instinct, this is my main struggle too. My heart breaks for you knowing you have to be gripped by that harrowing fear too. No one should ever have to contemplate dying painfully by their own hand, much less get to the stage where we have to face the most intense terror known to man directly head on. This life is so cruel.

I have been on this site a long time now. I secured my method months ago. I have attempted ctb and failed. Every time I am overcome with fear despite knowing the outcome if I continue to forcibly cling to life. I know my chronic illnesses will never get better, my dead family and friends won't come back, I will continue to be alone, and I will continue to suffer.

Yet, I simply can't bring myself to drink the SN, as I found the prep incredibly painful. If I knew how to stop being afraid, my name would already be crossed out. People make it look so easy, but I have always been terrified of the transition between life and death.

Thank you so much for your response, you show the true empathy that is lacking in society generally. I too am sorry for your personal situation, life is so bloody cruel to all the wrong people. It may sound a trite thing to say but it's true, why does every bloody day have to be a battle. I just hope we can all find peace soon, in whatever form.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Wish that sn could be kept longer after prepping. If prep then change mind, have wasted sn and have no more for future. If have more, run risk of prepping/wasting again.

Oh, I mean the medications taken beforehand and the fasting. The propranolol in particular made me nearly faint and I was about to vomit.

I didn't even get to the point of putting my SN in the glass because I was so out of it and in pain. I do have digestive issues though so that probably impacted it.

It makes me so angry why I cannot have a peaceful dignified death with N instead.

 

[HelloAllYouPeople]

On that edge, take yourself to the darkest point in your mind, tell yourself why you are there, pull into your body every pain and anger, remind yourself your life and what it will be if it continues, I have been there, I nearly stepped off, SI is no issue to me, discoving family behind me is!

I in no way am encouraging this, I am just answering a question

This is beautifully written ❤
I feel like this is one of the things I'll remember every now and then. I'm glad to have come across it

 

[gorillazlover]

When Im thinking about how scary something is in general, I think how we are really just meaty computers programmed to certain actions: see attractive person -> we want to interact, feeling hungry or thirsty -> eat and drink, see something dangerous -> flight or fight. Once fearing for once life I just think I only think of it as that I have been born that way and I'm not in control of my mind until I acknowledge that. I think we are scared of Death like its some sort monster, we have a need to give a physical form because its difficult to understand literal ''nothing'' so we give it a tangable form to comprehend. The closest effective way of dealing and understanding with is to close your eyes and imagine nothing. The exact Nothing that happens once you die. The thing is that its a paradox you can't imagine nothing because if you could, you would be nothing. Which makes me laugh sometimes. I guess I trully went mad.

 

[Rational man]

I've left it too late to do any other method bar N as I'm now bed ridden 9 months in incredible physical pain. Yet before I became completely bed ridden I failed to jump or drown myself. I tried dehydration death when I was no longer able to get out the house but thirst was so bad after 3 days I crawled to kitchen tap for water despite being bed ridden. Next week I try & buy N & cannot afford to fail. I am simply in so much agony I cannot go on yet I worry about not being able to get the fluid down or vomiting it up & failing. It's mad as my physical is so extreme & badly impacting my mental health, my elderly parents don't want to see me sufferring anymore tho they are upset they accept my need to die. It is only me that has stopping things happening before things became a torturous barely existing hell yet it's not terminal I could live for decades as it's my nerves misfiring everywhere. I am now over my SI i have nothing to survive for but I am still scared of failureto succeed.

Incredibly difficult situation but one im familiar with . Though both my parents are dead, they didnt die peacefully. Dad went ga ga and mum suffered.awfully with lymphoma. My situation is one of intractable pain that cannot be diagnosed. Because of ethics doctors will keep me alive until.the disease kills me. Its like a punishment. Pergoatory caught between life and death. The penultimate hell. I still have choices beyond that which the whitecoats are ethically bound

 

[Chockles]

Incredibly difficult situation but one im familiar with . Though both my parents are dead, they didnt die peacefully. Dad went ga ga and mum suffered.awfully with lymphoma. My situation is one of intractable pain that cannot be diagnosed. Because of ethics doctors will keep me alive until.the disease kills me. Its like a punishment. Pergoatory caught between life and death. The penultimate hell. I still have choices beyond that which the whitecoats

Incredibly difficult situation but one im familiar with . Though both my parents are dead, they didnt die peacefully. Dad went ga ga and mum suffered.awfully with lymphoma. My situation is one of intractable pain that cannot be diagnosed. Because of ethics doctors will keep me alive until.the disease kills me. Its like a punishment. Pergoatory caught between life and death. The penultimate hell. I still have choices beyond that which the whitecoats are ethically bound

A lot of my pain hasn't been diagnosed. Lots of rare genetic issues i was largely unaware of most of my youth both mental & physical but I believe it was living in toxic mould that destroyed me in the end but in the UK they don't believe in that & by time I tried antifungal protocols the damage was done. Everything is blamed on anxiety.
I realise too late my adhd/autism traits made me anxious around my mum when younger so I never visited much & now living with them 4 months it's too late to build bridges. I feel guilt, regret all the usual stuff. I can see now my parents aren't that well themselves my mum has dementia & physical pain, my dad struggling to get around survived a heart attack 7 years ago There's been lots of tears about our relationship & now I feel a burden as they cannot enjoy the last years of their lives worried about me. And I couldn't manage on my own if they went 1st. I'd end up in a psyche ward & medication doesn't touch me anymore hence hard tho it will be for all me finding guts to take N soon really is the best & only solution. I wish you relief from your sufferring too whichever way that is for you.

 

[AnonymousS]

When Im thinking about how scary something is in general, I think how we are really just meaty computers programmed to certain actions: see attractive person -> we want to interact, feeling hungry or thirsty -> eat and drink, see something dangerous -> flight or fight. Once fearing for once life I just think I only think of it as that I have been born that way and I'm not in control of my mind until I acknowledge that. I think we are scared of Death like its some sort monster, we have a need to give a physical form because its difficult to understand literal ''nothing'' so we give it a tangable form to comprehend. The closest effective way of dealing and understanding with is to close your eyes and imagine nothing. The exact Nothing that happens once you die. The thing is that its a paradox you can't imagine nothing because if you could, you would be nothing. Which makes me laugh sometimes. I guess I trully went mad.

No it's a very intelligent way of putting it, and you're right. Our nervous system is essentially an electrical set up, with the different nerves going to their different points.

 

[8evergo]

I feel if you do it in pairs and hold on together, it's a lot easier

 

[AnonymousS]

I feel if you do it in pairs and hold on together, it's a lot easier

Potentially yes, i suppose it depends. I will be jumping soon, have to go through the fear. I will be on my own, but i prefer it that way i think. It may be easier in pairs though.

 

[8evergo]

Potentially yes, i suppose it depends. I will be jumping soon, have to go through the fear. I will be on my own, but i prefer it that way i think. It may be easier in pairs though.

I wish we did it together

 

[chicken-nugget]

I'm starting to think that being in a manic state is when I will best overcome my SI because I either won't gaf anymore (like now but not ready) or need silence (when I'm considering a violent end).. I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I'm 90% convinced it's the way

 

[Ch92921]

Trauma, intense psychological pressure, extreme emotional pain, extreme stress

 

[Rational man]

No it's a very intelligent way of putting it, and you're right. Our nervous system is essentially an electrical set up, with the different nerves going to their different points.

We came.from NOTHINGNESS and we return to whatever. Society fears death. It doesn't face the reality that we all do die, sooner or later. Life and death is ONE, only separated by a space of unknown Years of which there is no guarantee. Ive seen many young people aroun d me die of disease and accidents, et c. I think the more we feel death, the less fearful of it we become !.

 

[Chisel]

Don't know if this will help but I almost successfully pulled of partial hanging recently.
I successfully passed out and believe I must of starting choking slightly and possibly struggling slightly. Unfortunately my anchor broke, and my noose slacked off.
But I had done the hard part.
I pulled it off by telling myself I was just going to test it out and see how close I could get.
But it seems I passed out very quickly and was on my way to being gone had my anchor held.

 

[forgotten15]

Don't know if this will help but I almost successfully pulled of partial hanging recently.
I successfully passed out and believe I must of starting choking slightly and possibly struggling slightly. Unfortunately my anchor broke, and my noose slacked off.
But I had done the hard part.
I pulled it off by telling myself I was just going to test it out and see how close I could get.
But it seems I passed out very quickly and was on my way to being gone had my anchor held.

This sounds like a good idea. I will also tell myself I am just trying to see how partial suspension will work, maybe this way SI won't be so intense. I do hope one day the testing will get me the result I want.
Oh, how I wish I was one of those people who stranguled themselves by accident, so I don't have to go through all this battle with SI

 

[Ch92921]

This sounds like a good idea. I will also tell myself I am just trying to see how partial suspension will work, maybe this way SI won't be so intense. I do hope one day the testing will get me the result I want.
Oh, how I wish I was one of those people who stranguled themselves by accident, so I don't have to go through all this battle with SI

You are naive! SI is very intelligent, it will fool you.

 

[miserableforever]

I noticed that if you often watch news about suicide, it slightly reduces SI because it starts to seem commonplace, or you can be inspired by people who have committed suicide

I wish that worked for me. It does maybe for a second but then my SI goes back to what it was before.

 

[AnonymousS]

Don't know if this will help but I almost successfully pulled of partial hanging recently.
I successfully passed out and believe I must of starting choking slightly and possibly struggling slightly. Unfortunately my anchor broke, and my noose slacked off.
But I had done the hard part.
I pulled it off by telling myself I was just going to test it out and see how close I could get.
But it seems I passed out very quickly and was on my way to being gone had my anchor held.

That is so believable, that actually happened to me back in 2011. I was partially suspended, the cord over the door and tied to my kitchen taps. I slid down, then blacked out and came too a little confused. I had wet myself down one leg, and did not understand at first why my leg was wet. I had gotten very close.

 

[Tempest]

If it's something like jumping, pulling a trigger, etc. where you just need to overcome SI for a moment, I think you just have to do it. Almost catch yourself off guard instead of counting down to the moment. Maybe have a narrative framing to take your mind's focus off of itself, like thinking of a character or historical figure who showed great courage facing their death. If it's suppressing SI until death occurs, hugging a blanket or stuffed animal would bring comfort and give your hands something to do. Even a talisman or stress ball might work depending on how free your hands are during the method.

Something I used to do to get around my intense desire to procrastinate was use the feeling that I should stop as a springboard to keep going. When I felt the resistance I would say "that means I have to apply even more effort". I don't know if that kind of mental sleight of hand would work for something primal like SI but it may help someone.