Not having a mom (i have a mom, but not a mom if you know what I mean) has always been the main cause for my suicidal thoughts. Feeling lonely and the need to fill some sort of void has always been the problem. It always comes back to that. Hoping that someone is willing to take over the role of being my mom or at least a second mom has been one of the reasons why I haven't ctb.
Has anyone else experienced this and overcome it? If so, how? Did you find a mom, become your own mom, or accepted you'll never have a mom?
Hello! I was in a similar situation. My birth mother (even now, calling her mom causes me pain in the chest) was a heavy drinker and would often emotionally, physically, and verbally abuse me for wanting her to stop drinking and for sometimes assuming the "motherly" role for my sister, since she technically wasn't there for us. I have a father, but at this time, he was also somewhat alcoholic, though not as severe as my birth mother (he and I have a great relationship now). He would constantly tell me to come live with him, but even though my own birth mother abused me, I still felt guilty, since if I left, I'd leave her completely alone.
Skipping to when I was 18, she and I had a huge fight while she was drunk that finished in her throwing money at my face and out the house. My sister and I left that day to my father's and I never came back (my sister still maintains contact with her, since her problem was with me for the reasons I mentioned).
Now, for your question. Yes, I can somewhat say I overcame this. That situation made me severely depressed and caused me anxiety I still take medication for, but I'm better now. I found both my parents in my dad, but I also became my own mom since the beginning. I raised myself and my sister, and reflecting on that today made me push myself forward. I said things to myself like "If I've made it by my own to today, I can do tomorrow and the day after that". If there's something I've learned from this situation, it's being independent.
Now, everyone is different. Maybe being completely independent isn't enough and you want someone to be there for you as a replacement, and that's understandable. You can look for someone important for you, but I'd be careful. Confusing someone for a replacement of something you haven't had can be even more damaging, but if you already have a motherly figure, I'd also recommend to hold onto them.
If you want to talk more I'd be happy to. Just send a message. Hugs ❤︎
