Venting How to over come SI?

[suicidesheep31]

I don't know how to start. I wish to take a mix of medications tonight. But I know obviously that I will call the ambulance. Why am I not able to let it go? I may just wish to have someone next to me when I die. I am in therapy right now. I know that I have this opportunity that not everyone has. I am trying hard to use the skills I am learning. When I think that I closed the exit door, it just come back stronger two weeks later. I am trying hard to feel better but don't see any improvement. I know what I can expect from life and the limitations> I will never be able to find a partner because I feel rejection everywhere. I am not good enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough. Or maybe, I am just suffering because I am vulnerable with rejection. How to continue to fight, to find the strength the live. I feel I am venting there. How do you prepare your exit? I am renting a room in a flat. I just just wish that my owner throw away everything. My family will never want to use something from me if I am dead. Shall I just let a note to my owner saying that he needs to throw away everything?
It is a sweet day, I am drinking because I am not able to stand in front of my anxiety and sadness.
How to kill myself without SI saying hello?

 

[WornOutLife]

I did take lots of medications before trying to hang myself but I ended up passing out before I could do it.
I think SI will always be there but things like alcohol, pills and drugs (with moderation) can help lots.

 

[suicidesheep31]

Yes, that's why I am drinking. But what I need to do with my stuff there? Does a note for the owner is enough? I am living in a country which is not mine. So what to do?

 

[Szs33]

Drugs and pills, thats the only way. Sorry.