How to make friends :>

[Whenhewhenyeah]

I always struggled with making friends or just being sociable, I'm not that annoying irl (I hope so) but I don't mix well with others apparently.

I tried to make some friends in school but being socially awkward and quiet, plus quite boring at the time, meant that they'd rather spend their time with their closer friends.

And by the end of school I had a single friend (only reason we are friends is because we both played Minecraft at the time) who isn't really that close with me anymore.

I realized this was really bad during highschool and that I needed to do something to get good socially, so I forced myself to interact with people a lot, was extra talkative (bad idea) and trying to integrate into friend groups in hopes of them accepting me.

Anyways it didn't work out and I'm pretty sure I was just extra annoying trying to make friends with people who just didn't want anything to do with me beyond a few greetings and questions about how the last exam went.

Idk what the point of this post is, how do you guys make friends?

 

[QuarkTBA]

I want to make new friends as well. life just feels so suffocating to me.

I have been in this state for almost 3 years now , barely any friends . I had one close friend but we kinda drifted apart when he got a gf in 2024 and we had a fight 2-3 months ago and I haven't heard from him since.

I just wish that I mattered to someone , I have never been close to any girl , never even had an actual friend group . When I think about it , I was miserable in school as well , eating lunch alone , sitting in the corner row alone .

I don't know how to get out of this , even if I go to Uni I doubt things would change for me .

I don't really go out of the house anymore but when I do , seeing all the other people enjoying their lives just brings down my mood . I hope that one day I could find a decent friend group and girlfriend , but given the way things are currently I don't see it happening and even if it does I might just project my sadness and insecurities onto them and unfortunately bring them down with me .

I am extremely socially awkward and anxious which a lot of times other people just assumed as me being an introvert which I am not.

I am not an introvert , I am just extremely lonely.

 

[Whenhewhenyeah]

I want to make new friends as well. life just feels so suffocating to me.

I have been in this state for almost 3 years now , barely any friends . I had one close friend but we kinda drifted apart when he got a gf in 2024 and we had a fight 2-3 months ago and I haven't heard from him since.

I just wish that I mattered to someone , I have never been close to any girl , never even had an actual friend group . When I think about it , I was miserable in school as well , eating lunch alone , sitting in the corner row alone .

I don't know how to get out of this , even if I go to Uni I doubt things would change for me .

I don't really go out of the house anymore but when I do , seeing all the other people enjoying their lives just brings down my mood . I hope that one day I could find a decent friend group and girlfriend , but given the way things are currently I don't see it happening and even if it does I might just project my sadness and insecurities onto them and unfortunately bring them down with me .

I am extremely socially awkward and anxious which a lot of times other people just assumed as me being an introvert which I am not.

I am not an introvert , I am just extremely lonely.

My exact situation almost, I have never been close with to any girl, I never had a friend group except when I was trying desperately to make any friends, and I hated that time, one time I would ask them to wait for me to do something and they would just walk away, like I didnt matter to them in the slightest (but tbh I was practically a parasite thinking I was apart of the group when I wasn't) that moment really broke something inside me not sure why.

And eating lunch alone was brutal, we ate in our courtyard and I would just sit in a corner alone watching the other boys running around and having fun wishing that I could join in someday.

I doubt my situation will change in uni, I will probably continue being awkward but only now I will be viewed in even worse light considering that I had so many years to learn how to socialize yet didn't.

I don't mind not having a gf that much, and either way if I tried it wouldn't go anywhere, no woman would date or entertain someone who is socially awkward and I understand why, and I guess I could try to get a boyfriend but I don't think I'm good enough for that either.

We just want to feel desired and needed at the end of the day

 

[wondering&wandering]

Idk what the point of this post is, how do you guys make friends?

I might be wrong, but it seems the point of this post is a cry for help: whether that be hoping to find the solution to making friends or finding a friend through this thread. And that's a good point and topic. ^^

As someone who's on the verge of finishing my years-long arc of: "I don't have any friends [insert self-hate, self-harm, suicide ideation, hopelessness, confusion, etc.], what do I do?" I would say I have the answer (if not the answer, then at the very least an answer): learn what love is. That's the core part of it.

Generally speaking, those of us who want to try to live in this world also want to be loved, accepted, and given worth. A lot of people, unfortunately, don't find this love from their family (or even if they do have a loving family member, they still desire a friend), so they look for a friend to be loved by. It's natural to need to be loved. It's how we were created (I think we can both agree to that regardless of using religion to show that). And a lot of people go through this phase of: "I don't need love" or "I don't deserve to be loved". But that kind of mindset creates all kinds of problems. :/

What is my point? lol Well:

• Step 1: acknowledge the fact you (like us all) need to be loved
• Step 2: learn what love is (this is the core/hardest part, at least for me)
  • What does it mean to love others and to be loved yourself?
  • What kind of love are you seeking?
  • What kind of love are you giving?
  • Are there examples of love that you can look at to emulate?
  • Etc.
• Step 3: love
  • As easy as this might seem on paper, I think we can both agree that truly loving others (most especially after learning what love really is) is hard.
• Step 4: be loved
  • This is generally the byproduct of loving others; HOWEVER, it's not always the byproduct because what can happen is you have a good load of people who skip step 3 and wait to be loved by those of us who are on step 3. :/ HOWEVER, this leads us into our next and probably most important step.
• Step 5: love despite what happens to you
  • This is probably the most contentious step because you get two general trains of thought at this point: "love despite what happens to you" OR "stop loving because it's not worth it / love differently / create a persona where you don't need others' love / only focus on self-love / etc." And that first train of thought is heavily influenced by my faith in Jesus; I can speak a TON more about it because it's more deep than just a brief clause; however, I don't want to lose the focus of your initial question.

Feel free to reach out to me if you want any clarification or even if you want to be friends. :) Full disclosure, a lot of my understanding of what love is comes from Jesus since I'm a Christian. I've been learning A LOT about love this past couple months. It hasn't been easy, but it's been very rewarding. ^^

~Wonder

 

[Whenhewhenyeah]

I might be wrong, but it seems the point of this post is a cry for help: whether that be hoping to find the solution to making friends or finding a friend through this thread. And that's a good point and topic. ^^

As someone who's on the verge of finishing my years-long arc of: "I don't have any friends [insert self-hate, self-harm, suicide ideation, hopelessness, confusion, etc.], what do I do?" I would say I have the answer (if not the answer, then at the very least an answer): learn what love is. That's the core part of it.

Generally speaking, those of us who want to try to live in this world also want to be loved, accepted, and given worth. A lot of people, unfortunately, don't find this love from their family (or even if they do have a loving family member, they still desire a friend), so they look for a friend to be loved by. It's natural to need to be loved. It's how we were created (I think we can both agree to that regardless of using religion to show that). And a lot of people go through this phase of: "I don't need love" or "I don't deserve to be loved". But that kind of mindset creates all kinds of problems. :/

What is my point? lol Well:

• Step 1: acknowledge the fact you (like us all) need to be loved
• Step 2: learn what love is (this is the core/hardest part, at least for me)
  • What does it mean to love others and to be loved yourself?
  • What kind of love are you seeking?
  • What kind of love are you giving?
  • Are there examples of love that you can look at to emulate?
  • Etc.
• Step 3: love
  • As easy as this might seem on paper, I think we can both agree that truly loving others (most especially after learning what love really is) is hard.
• Step 4: be loved
  • This is generally the byproduct of loving others; HOWEVER, it's not always the byproduct because what can happen is you have a good load of people who skip step 3 and wait to be loved by those of us who are on step 3. :/ HOWEVER, this leads us into our next and probably most important step.
• Step 5: love despite what happens to you
  • This is probably the most contentious step because you get two general trains of thought at this point: "love despite what happens to you" OR "stop loving because it's not worth it / love differently / create a persona where you don't need others' love / only focus on self-love / etc." And that first train of thought is heavily influenced by my faith in Jesus; I can speak a TON more about it because it's more deep than just a brief clause; however, I don't want to lose the focus of your initial question.

Feel free to reach out to me if you want any clarification or even if you want to be friends. :) Full disclosure, a lot of my understanding of what love is comes from Jesus since I'm a Christian. I've been learning A LOT about love this past couple months. It hasn't been easy, but it's been very rewarding. ^^

~Wonder

A fellow Christian (I'm not a Christian yet, i left my old religion and would love to convert)

Im not sure which step I'm on, when it comes to friendships I don't have a framework of what type of love I want, I just want a friendship where I gain someone I trust and can talk to and the other person gains the same thing.

Ofc I want this person to be somewhat similar to me and to have interests that we share so we would have something that connects us (although at that point it brings into question if that person is a friend or just someone I share hobbies with)

So I'm not sure what this love is or how to give or take it from other people, I try to be the one spending the effort to interact with them for a couple of weeks but eventually I just stop trying because I don't want to seem annoying.

 

[heywey]

You'll get as many different answers to this as there are people. Which leads me to my own answer; be yourself, and meet more people. A friendship that requires contorting yourself into something you're not is unsustainable. And the more you try, the worse your chances are of making the ones that count when they come along. Most people won't be my friend, but that's okay.

That's my two cents anyway. Normal social interaction is very difficult and exhausting for me, so I highly value friends I connect with easily.

What kind of friendship you're looking for will likely be different in some ways to me. I think figuring out what friendship looks like to you is a good first step.

 

[Manaaja]

In my school, a lot of it was:

physical looks
uniqueness
wealth

The goodlooking could stare at walls and fart all day without saying a word and have friends. The only foreign would have friends because it was a social status point to be friends with the only foreigner. The wealthy had friends or those who owned stuff. Oh, your parents own a nice pool? Of course we are your friends, Lisa Simpson!

When you are in your thirties, people become a lot more friendlier. The same person who wouldn't even glance at you if you weren't a millionaire model, will suddenly be willing to make friends with anyone who speaks to them.

The shitty thing is, you have to wait till you are in your thirties. And of course after 30 years of being treated like shit, when someone comes and is like "OP! Let's be friends!" it's really easy to think "Fuck you! What makes you think I wanna be friends with you?!".

Honestly, you know what a lot of people looooveee? When you don't give a shit about them. If you have an IQ over 0, it will make you think "What the fuck? I'd never love that! Why would anyone love that?!". But when you have a "i don't give a shit about you," attitude, you become relaxed and free-speaking, and people loooooveeee relaxed and free speaking people. Relaxed energy spread to others, just like anxious and careful attitude spreads to others.

A lot of people would rather be friends with a person who says
"What? You like birds? Naww, birds suck! They shit everywhere!"
than with a person who says
"Aaa, birds are... you know, really like... what is the word... They are really cool animals! For example, magpies can solve puzzles! That's amazing! It's cool that you like birds! What's your favorite bird?"

It's less what you say and more how you say it. Ironically like with dogs. You can tell a dog "I wawwa kiww u!" and the dog will happily wag its tail, then you growl "I love you" and the dog won't like it. A lot of people are at the edge of knowing what a word means and just listening to your energy and body language.

 

[wondering&wandering]

A fellow Christian (I'm not a Christian yet, i left my old religion and would love to convert)

Oh, nice! I'm still learning, but also you're welcome to talk to me about it. In a sense, being a Christian is simple (even if hard): simple in that all it takes is repentance from our sins and belief in Jesus that He is the Son of God who came to us, lived a perfect live, died for our sins, and rose again! Hard though because our natural spiritual position is polluted by sin and selfishness where we might not want to repent from our sins or be clouded (by others or ourselves) to the truth of who Jesus is.

Im not sure which step I'm on, when it comes to friendships I don't have a framework of what type of love I want, I just want a friendship where I gain someone I trust and can talk to and the other person gains the same thing.

I see. Well, not knowing what step you're on isn't a good start. :/ Although, acknowledging that's the case is a good start. I think you should ask yourself more questions about love (and answer them as best as you can). E.g. what is love to you? How do you show it? How do you receive it? Can someone show earnest love to you, but you struggle receiving it? Do you ever find yourself forcing yourself to love (as in it's not natural)? Do you like loving for the sake of loving, or is it just the means to getting someone to love you?
And then, what do you mean by trust? Trust they won't leave you, or trust that they will speak truth to you or both (or something else)?

Ofc I want this person to be somewhat similar to me and to have interests that we share so we would have something that connects us

It'd definitely understandable to want there to be similarities; in a way it's almost necessary (almost). That's the beauty of Christianity and interacting with any real Christian: Jesus is that core similarity that connects us all. :)

(although at that point it brings into question if that person is a friend or just someone I share hobbies with)

Great point! To you, are the two always mutually exclusive? Can you be a friend with someone who also shares similar hobbies with you?

So I'm not sure what this love is or how to give or take it from other people, I try to be the one spending the effort to interact with them for a couple of weeks but eventually I just stop trying because I don't want to seem annoying.

Yeah, I don't know you, so what I say is based on very limited information, but it looks like you need to learn what love is, which is easier said than done. Again, I'm totally down to be your friend and talk about things (like love if you'd like) and even show you love! ^^ If for some reason you feel as though you need to figure it out on your own (which I don't think is the best course of action, but I relate to that and get it), then might I recommend the Gospel of John and C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves? See how love is defined, shown, and described in the Gospel of John by the author and by Jesus Himself; and read about in The Four Loves about the range of general kinds of loves we find in life.
Also, if you believe yourself to be annoying, you might either have self-worth issues or really are being annoying (which I doubt, cause usually it ends up being the former). Either way, that's something you'd need to work on: by either establishing truth about your actual value or by learning what might be annoying people and how to avoid doing so (I, too, annoy people to an extent, lol, but a lot of my problems relate to self-worth).