Help How to make a rational and informed choice if suicide was a good choice for me?

[NeedExit]

Taking your own life is a very big decision I don't want to make impulsively, and before looking for the right methods or ways to trick your survival instinct, I would like to make an informed decision if that's really a path I want to go.
On the one hand I don't see how I could justify the pain and suffering of life and my psyche while not being able to experience pleasure, find any kind of meaning or fulfill anything - it's basically a dull grey with continuous beatings I'm not willing to endure the coming 50 years.
On the other hand I have to consider the people that care for me - although I don't have the ability to love them back -, the unlikely but not impossible healing of my sickness (anhedonia, brainfog, lost in emotional range), or at least the ability to make peace with it and the unlikely possibility that despite my constraints I could find some form of meaning.
I'm really bad in making decisions. How could I rationally decide these things?
I know that I could get help from an assisted suicide organization but they are pretty expensive. So do you have any ideas or resources that discuss this topic in a calm and balanced manner?

 

[FuneralCry]

I think in my case I would only ctb if I had no doubts and I was completely certain that was the right thing for me. I just think it is a thing that only you know, deep down whether you should ctb or not. In my case, everything is completely hopeless and I want nothing to do with life and I have been feeling that way for a long time. If I was in that situation where there was a chance that things could improve, I would see how things go. Of course the option to ctb is always there and we have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing, after all. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.