Help how to keep on pretending to live while waiting for cbt

[ecmnesia]

you guys must be tired of hearing this, but, here I come again with my never ending drama: "will i be able to cbt this weekend"? I don't know. I'm counting on my parents to travel and they can't for gods sakes make up their minds.

thing is, since I am ready to cbt, feels completely pointless to keep pretending to be functional. attending classes, doing stuff, buying things... its a waste of energy and I can't find the strength to pretend it's not.

I can't dare to raise red flags, tho. But my pretty functional young-adult mask is broken.

That's it, does anyone has any advice regarding this?

I know I will only have to hang on for a while longer, worst case scenario a week or two. Still, it's frustrating to be ready to depart and not being able to. (perhaps I am being a drama queen, sorry, i can't help it)

Thanks for reading.

 

[WornOutLife]

Pretending sucks but I think it's the best because otherwise, they'll suspect you're about to do something and you might end up in a psych ward.
For instance, since my failed CTB attempt, I'm being monitored 24/7 so, I'm doing my best to pretend being happy and behaving responsibly in order to gain my freedom again and this time CTB properly.

 

[ecmnesia]

Pretending sucks but I think it's the best because otherwise, they'll suspect you're about to do something and you might end up in a psych ward.
For instance, since my failed CTB attempt, I'm being monitored 24/7 so, I'm doing my best to pretend being happy and behaving responsibly in order to gain my freedom again and this time CTB properly.

yes. i am getting impatient and am afraid of acting on impulse, thus ruining my chance

i am sorry things turn out like this for you. it must be hell.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

I don't think you are being a drama queen. In my case I pretended for years with a few times I actually broke and couldn't hide it. In this last months I couldn't hide it and my parents noticed my irregular college behavior and had to tell them I wasn't attending to any course at all... This isn't worth it. Need to leave before they start to have eyes in me 24/7.

 

[Nicebuddimtim]

I feel that I grew tired of pretending it's just a waiting game now need to choose the right time

 

[Symbiote]

Don't change your routine, when you change your routine, people start to notice. That is the most important factor when it comes to people especially family thinking that you're going to CTB. Even if you don't feel like doing it, just half-ass it. No one is grading your performance, but as long as they see you doing the same things, they'll butt out.

 

[ecmnesia]

I don't know where I can get the strength to keep pretending. just got the news that everyone will for sure be home this week.

i am so frustrated. got my hopes up for nothing. i know it's not the end of the world, that i just have to wait a little bit longer. but i am eager to catch the bus, i am ready, everything is ready, i booked the hotel, had the cash to pay and still i can't go. this is hell.

i had so many chances to go before, but i wasn't prepared at the time, I've wasted my shots and now i am stuck in here.

sorry if it sounds dramatic. but i can't take it anymore. too much pretending. too much effort. why can't I just leave? I've said my goodbyes, i just want to go... is is too much to ask?