Help How to get over post-mortem guilt

[LevUwU]

I'll never be happy or even satisfied

But I am in a relationship, and I truly love her. I've never felt love to anyone else before, not my parents, not friends, not my exes, only her. She's so special and unique and I fear she's the only thing keeping me alive.

How do I get over the severe guilt that my taking my life would leave her heart broken, or even lead to her own suicide. If I could get over that guilt I could finally commit

 

[auto138491]

Would u consider giving life a chance, for her? If not, i think the decent thing to do would be to come clear. This suicide ideation is the cancer of the mind. We are as helpless as a cancer patient, imho. In cancer, there is no control over the body and in this, there is no control over the mind. So, speak with her and see if she understands this. And wants to move on, or take another decision. It is, I think, her decision to make. The best you can do is be transparent witih her and give her all theinformation she needs to make the decision.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Personally, I can't get over the guilt of what it would likely do to my Dad. So, I feel I have no choice but to wait. Sometimes, I get into a panic that I can't cope anymore. Then- I consider what the above member mentioned. I consider telling my Dad the truth about how I feel- in order to try and get him to understand. At least, if my suicide isn't a shock- I suppose that might help a little. But for now, I'm still focusing on just holding on.

 

[jiselle]

I'll never be happy or even satisfied

But I am in a relationship, and I truly love her. I've never felt love to anyone else before, not my parents, not friends, not my exes, only her. She's so special and unique and I fear she's the only thing keeping me alive.

How do I get over the severe guilt that my taking my life would leave her heart broken, or even lead to her own suicide. If I could get over that guilt I could finally commit

Please don't leave someone you love. It's probably worst than breaking up with her. My love broke up with me so i'm exiting this world. Couldn't imagine if he had exited instead. It'd be worst

 

[LevUwU]

Would u consider giving life a chance, for her? If not, i think the decent thing to do would be to come clear. This suicide ideation is the cancer of the mind. We are as helpless as a cancer patient, imho. In cancer, there is no control over the body and in this, there is no control over the mind. So, speak with her and see if she understands this. And wants to move on, or take another decision. It is, I think, her decision to make. The best you can do is be transparent witih her and give her all theinformation she needs to make the decision.

Thanks for the reply, I've talked to her about it before and multiple times she's stated how she'd be utterly and entirely broken if I CTB. No matter what I say she foolishly hopes that my life can improve beyond my forsaken misery. I know she'll never agree with me but exiting has been on my mind for so long and after so long I know that this foolish world has nothing to offer me anymore. I love her so deeply and the Idea that she'd break, or die, because of my actions is probably the only time I ever feel guilty at all.
I'm really sick of trying to live, knowing nothing will change about my hatred and pain. She's kept me going for over a year by now but I simply feel so sick when I consider how much longer I must force myself to live, just to see her smile. I wonder if maybe I could just word more eloquently my desire and reason to CTB and maybe then she'd understand. I've already tried telling her that she'd find another girl if she wants a relationship after me, but that only seemed to make her more depressed. I'm really bad at handling other people's emotions, or knowing how they'll react to anything but what I craft intentionally to tell them.