Venting how to escape ?

[disjointed]

my dad is so, idk if abusive is the right word but he's something. i've tried to forgive when it's better. i try to move on. why do i always have to be the bigger person? i hate that i can't afford to move out. i feel so out of options. everything hurts.

i feel like im his human punching bag for him to shove and push around. my chest and shoulders and back are covered with bruises.

even the small, tiny things i was looking forward to i feel like have been ripped away from me. i was looking forward to the weather warming up so i could wear a pretty dress i worked up the confidence to buy. i had plans to wear it to class tomorrow but the bruises are in easily visible areas.

this has been my life for so long. at least when i was a kid, he had the sense to hit me in places i could easily cover.

i've tried to die so many times to escape this. i've been in the hospital so many times. i'm so fucking tired and i hate hospitals and they still feel better than this.

i'd go drink the fucking nitrites right now i'm so done but i just wish i knew HOW to fucking get them??? at least so i can die in a dignified way before my dad makes good on his threats and kills me.

 

[hereandthere13]

1. yes, your dad is abusive
2. please get that man behind bars before you let his abuse kill you
3. im sorry

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah, your dad is abusive. If he is physically harming you and it isn't in self-defence or anything then he is abusing you. If possible, you should try moving away from him. Are there any abuse resources in your areas that you could try getting in contact with? Do you think that you have any friends or family members who you feel safe enough to stay with?

 

[disjointed]

1. yes, your dad is abusive
2. please get that man behind bars before you let his abuse kill you
3. im sorry

so hard when i've never told anyone in my life :( . i feel like i don't have any options but to just die. i'm tired of it and i'm tired of my whole body hurting . i wish i at least had someone to talk to

 

[Pale_Rider]

Your dad is an asshole. Wear your dress!

 

[hereandthere13]

so hard when i've never told anyone in my life :( . i feel like i don't have any options but to just die. i'm tired of it and i'm tired of my whole body hurting . i wish i at least had someone to talk to

i can see how frustrating that must be. but i can promise that you have options. it's difficult opening up about something you've kept secret for so long, but once you do, the feeling is so freeing.

 

[Scenegirlshooter]

Do NOT let his abuse kill you. Please it's happening to me right now, get out of it while you still can. You are inherently worthy and you are HUMAN you have value even if you don't think so. If you think nobody cares I care. I'd cry over you. I'd miss you.

 

[hang in there]

Next time he lays his hands on you, you have the right to call 911 (or its equivalent in your location). He is battering you, and the fact it's repeated is easily a felony. He does not have the right to touch you or hurt you even with his words alone. You are absolutely being abused and if you won't call then anyone in your life who catches a glimpse of your injuries would call for you. Don't take your life. He has stolen it from you and I promise life on the other side away from that monster is better than you can even imagine. Freedom exists and you don't ever have to see his face again. Please live. I don't think suicide will fix anything for you.

 

[disjointed]

Do NOT let his abuse kill you. Please it's happening to me right now, get out of it while you still can. You are inherently worthy and you are HUMAN you have value even if you don't think so. If you think nobody cares I care. I'd cry over you. I'd miss you.

thank you so much. this means so so much to me i really don't feel like anyone would care anymore but i appreciate the kind words a lot thank you