i have previously ODed on propranolol and on another occasion, benzos/xanax. Much more than the amount considered safe and somehow woke up safe without even a trace of attempting. Except with xanax, I had the worst dry mouth ever. Craved water and woke up (mind you that's why I fear no matter how deeply you are knocked out your body CAN wake you UP T.T) but couldn't get myself up enough to try and reach for the water bottle. Then hallucinated about insects crawling (which was weird because nobody told me xanax could do that?) but yeah.
Both of these times terrible anxiety hit me thinking what have I done, and ofc I later found those attempts were futile because apparently these two drugs dont kill you USUALLY. Then I got my hands on amitryptiline.
1. I do not have more than like 1.5gms. Which I really doubt would get me killed.
2. I fear taking even those 1.5 gms BECAUSE BECAUSE, "mad as a hatter, blind as a bat" and so on. Like I dont want to experience blindness, delirium OR fear. Any other method I am afraid I'd end up making it worse for my physical body and then living becomes even more hellish.
IF ONLY I could get rid of SI and the fear of ending up paralysed/ brain damaged blah blah- I would collect amitryptline like 7gm and then pop and die. Also how to even knock yourself out??? so much that you won't wake up?
Theoretically I was thinking about popping sleeping pills, then as soon as sleep begins to hit i'd drink amitryptiline in powdered form with some juice and sleep (hopefully to never wake up again).
Only problem? SI SHOULDN'T HIT LIKE WHAT IF I END UP CALLING SOMEONE RIGHT AFTER I OD T.T
Both of these times terrible anxiety hit me thinking what have I done, and ofc I later found those attempts were futile because apparently these two drugs dont kill you USUALLY. Then I got my hands on amitryptiline.
1. I do not have more than like 1.5gms. Which I really doubt would get me killed.
2. I fear taking even those 1.5 gms BECAUSE BECAUSE, "mad as a hatter, blind as a bat" and so on. Like I dont want to experience blindness, delirium OR fear. Any other method I am afraid I'd end up making it worse for my physical body and then living becomes even more hellish.
IF ONLY I could get rid of SI and the fear of ending up paralysed/ brain damaged blah blah- I would collect amitryptline like 7gm and then pop and die. Also how to even knock yourself out??? so much that you won't wake up?
Theoretically I was thinking about popping sleeping pills, then as soon as sleep begins to hit i'd drink amitryptiline in powdered form with some juice and sleep (hopefully to never wake up again).
Only problem? SI SHOULDN'T HIT LIKE WHAT IF I END UP CALLING SOMEONE RIGHT AFTER I OD T.T
