How many tries until you found a therapist that helped you?

[Someonewhotypes]

basically title. How many therapists have you changed until you found one who helped?
And how long did that take you?
Red flags when working with a new one?

 

[whywere]

For me, after over 10 years and so darn many mental health folks, still have NOT found a person who is:

1) has empathy
2) will listen
3) does NOT come in with their guns blazing with ALL the answers before even saying hi to me, so sad
4) has the dollar sign in their eyes, saw that TOO many times for me to even want to remember, oh, your insurance pays for ONLY 10 minutes, so we are done, goodbye for now, yes right!

The last one that I went to, right off the bat, she sat down and looked at me and said something to the fact of: "let me be frank with you" and BOY did it go downhill extremely fast, I walked out.

So, I am STILL looking.

Walter

 

[Someonewhotypes]

For me, after over 10 years and so darn many mental health folks, still have NOT found a person who is:

1) has empathy
2) will listen
3) does NOT come in with their guns blazing with ALL the answers before even saying hi to me, so sad
4) has the dollar sign in their eyes, saw that TOO many times for me to even want to remember, oh, your insurance pays for ONLY 10 minutes, so we are done, goodbye for now, yes right!

The last one that I went to, right off the bat, she sat down and looked at me and said something to the fact of: "let me be frank with you" and BOY did it go downhill extremely fast, I walked out.

So, I am STILL looking.

Walter

Those seem like terrible experiences. What you listed like empathy and listening should basically be the bare minimum every one of them offers since it's not a job that can be done without. I wish you luck in finding one who resonates with you

 

[orpheus_]

I saw 3 people who my parents took me to when I was underage. Two of them were straight up terrible, one guy was quite ok but not for me and at that moment I didn't want to do therapy so it didn't work out anyway. Each of them I saw only once. Anyway that was kind of forced on me so I don't really count that

Then, as an adult, when I was trying to find a therapist for myself - I first saw someone who was basically shit and the kind of "just imply you are suicidal and I will send you straight to the ward". One session and I never came back.

The second person, this time I actually did better research to pick someone who seemed to fit my needs. And I found someone who was, well, not annoying as fuck, also not great, just decent. I felt like these sessions didn't help me at all, but I decided to give it time and went there like 3 or 4 times.. then I was like, fuck all of this, I told that therapist I won't be coming anymore because I planned to CTB that night

Around a year later I tried for the third time (kind of forced again, but that's a different story) - another person who I wasn't really convinced to, saw her for like 3 or 4 times and decided she's simply not a good match for me. I felt like she did not understand a word from what I said, just kept repeating some pre-programmed phrases and kept suggesting things that were completely irrelevant to my life.

And then directly after that. I was kind of ashamed to do it but I messaged my previous therapist (the one who was "decent") and decided to try again with her, maybe giving it a bit more time. Now I think it's the correct person, I've been seeing her for around a year and it has helped a bit, nothing revolutionary but worth it I guess.

I was very lucky that I found someone decent so quickly. Also I can talk to her about being suicidal because she has the approach of "well it's your own life and your own choice", I don't feel like she's forcing mento stay alive, just helping to find some things that might make me actually WANT to live.

 

[Irisse]

I can't tell you exactly how many I went through before, but before I found my current one who is actually okay, I had some pretty bad experiences.

There was one who didn't take me seriously as a depressed minor at the time because I laughed about something with my mum in the waiting room a few minutes before.

Then there was one who was completely disinterested in me. She would cancel our sessions without telling me prior and she sometimes wouldn't even show up or would only do five minutes.

Then there was one who acted like a douchebag and was also disinterested. I just got a bad vibe from him, honestly. He completely failed to see that I was in psychosis.

There was another douchebag who acted all high an mighty and I guess he was mad that he has to do his job. I've met him twice, both times the ambulance brought me due to suicidality. Not a shred of empathy from him, though. But he was so far up his own ass and so condescending. Also major bad vibes from him.

My current psychiatrist is great but I don't know if I can keep my promise not to kill myself.

 

[Someonewhotypes]

I saw 3 people who my parents took me to when I was underage. Two of them were straight up terrible, one guy was quite ok but not for me and at that moment I didn't want to do therapy so it didn't work out anyway. Each of them I saw only once. Anyway that was kind of forced on me so I don't really count that

Then, as an adult, when I was trying to find a therapist for myself - I first saw someone who was basically shit and the kind of "just imply you are suicidal and I will send you straight to the ward". One session and I never came back.

The second person, this time I actually did better research to pick someone who seemed to fit my needs. And I found someone who was, well, not annoying as fuck, also not great, just decent. I felt like these sessions didn't help me at all, but I decided to give it time and went there like 3 or 4 times.. then I was like, fuck all of this, I told that therapist I won't be coming anymore because I planned to CTB that night

Around a year later I tried for the third time (kind of forced again, but that's a different story) - another person who I wasn't really convinced to, saw her for like 3 or 4 times and decided she's simply not a good match for me. I felt like she did not understand a word from what I said, just kept repeating some pre-programmed phrases and kept suggesting things that were completely irrelevant to my life.

And then directly after that. I was kind of ashamed to do it but I messaged my previous therapist (the one who was "decent") and decided to try again with her, maybe giving it a bit more time. Now I think it's the correct person, I've been seeing her for around a year and it has helped a bit, nothing revolutionary but worth it I guess.

I was very lucky that I found someone decent so quickly. Also I can talk to her about being suicidal because she has the approach of "well it's your own life and your own choice", I don't feel like she's forcing mento stay alive, just helping to find some things that might make me actually WANT to live.

it sounds like she's open minded

I can't tell you exactly how many I went through before, but before I found my current one who is actually okay, I had some pretty bad experiences.

There was one who didn't take me seriously as a depressed minor at the time because I laughed about something with my mum in the waiting room a few minutes before.

Then there was one who was completely disinterested in me. She would cancel our sessions without telling me prior and she sometimes wouldn't even show up or would only do five minutes.

Then there was one who acted like a douchebag and was also disinterested. I just got a bad vibe from him, honestly. He completely failed to see that I was in psychosis.

There was another douchebag who acted all high an mighty and I guess he was mad that he has to do his job. I've met him twice, both times the ambulance brought me due to suicidality. Not a shred of empathy from him, though. But he was so far up his own ass and so condescending. Also major bad vibes from him.

My current psychiatrist is great but I don't know if I can keep my promise not to kill myself.

That's such a journey, them not showing up to sessions is not something I thought could really happen, very unprofessional

 

[hoppybunny]

basically title. How many therapists have you changed until you found one who helped?
And how long did that take you?
Red flags when working with a new one?

I think i went through three different people before i found my first helpful therapist. And she was the one that convinced me to leave my school that was making me miserable and increasing my suicidal ideation. Unfortunately she was my therapist through that school then after i met her i had to go through 2 different therapists again to meet my next one that was really helpful.

I don't if this will help u but for me, finding a therapist who looked like me or had a similar ethnicity or situation (like immigrant for example) made it faster to find a decent therapist. Ofcourse this doesn't work as well if you're in a homogeneous country.

Some red flags for me personally, if they focus too much on your suicide. I had one that i encountered when i went in for crisis intervention and she would ask me stupid fucking questions and her tone of voice was like calm like she was talking to a child or fucking idiot. And it pissed me off so much I've never gone to a crisis intervention again even when i needed one. But if they don't speak to you like a person and treat u like a child or a patient that's a red flag for me.

I think if they don't start talking about themselves a little or at all that's also a red flag for me. Cause they should also be trying to show that y'all are compatible.

If they focus more on whatever plan they have in mind and not how you feel. Like for instance maybe u complained about procrastination but on the next meeting you want to complain about how you felt so alone over the weekend but they insist om going through whatever procrastination agenda they had planned. That's a red flag.

Also never doubt your gut. If the vibes are off and u just don't feel comfortable with the therapist that's a good enough reason to leave.

Finally therapists that charge for the first meeting are red flags.



I'm on the hunt for a new one rn but i need a job first.

 

[Someonewhotypes]

I think i went through three different people before i found my first helpful therapist. And she was the one that convinced me to leave my school that was making me miserable and increasing my suicidal ideation. Unfortunately she was my therapist through that school then after i met her i had to go through 2 different therapists again to meet my next one that was really helpful.

I don't if this will help u but for me, finding a therapist who looked like me or had a similar ethnicity or situation (like immigrant for example) made it faster to find a decent therapist. Ofcourse this doesn't work as well if you're in a homogeneous country.

Some red flags for me personally, if they focus too much on your suicide. I had one that i encountered when i went in for crisis intervention and she would ask me stupid fucking questions and her tone of voice was like calm like she was talking to a child or fucking idiot. And it pissed me off so much I've never gone to a crisis intervention again even when i needed one. But if they don't speak to you like a person and treat u like a child or a patient that's a red flag for me.

I think if they don't start talking about themselves a little or at all that's also a red flag for me. Cause they should also be trying to show that y'all are compatible.

If they focus more on whatever plan they have in mind and not how you feel. Like for instance maybe u complained about procrastination but on the next meeting you want to complain about how you felt so alone over the weekend but they insist om going through whatever procrastination agenda they had planned. That's a red flag.

Also never doubt your gut. If the vibes are off and u just don't feel comfortable with the therapist that's a good enough reason to leave.

Finally therapists that charge for the first meeting are red flags.



I'm on the hunt for a new one rn but i need a job first.

Those are good points. Hoping you manage to get a job soon and resume search