Venting How I screwed up my life

[Salting the wounds]

Sorry about this, I honestly just needed to spit it out and maybe it would do me some good to have someone listen to me.
Here we go
I was born into an upper middle class family, parents separated but I don't think that influenced my decisions, they both did a great job.
I had an excellent childhood, I was always given everything I wanted, I went to a private school of great renown in my city.
I consider myself a very beautiful man, highly hegemonic, that in my opinion contributed to my always having a partner and allowed me to experience my sexuality to the fullest.
I was also always very intelligent and highly sociable, throughout my life I had 7-10 different groups of friends, good friends with whom I shared all kinds of things.
Here comes the problem, at 17 years old, because of my stupidity and looking for the approval of an older group, I tried cocaine.
At 18 I continued using and I got hooked at 19 maybe.
Everything that came after that was absolute chaos, I dropped out of school twice, I was always partying and cheated on all my partners.
At the age of 22 I had my first psychotic outbreak due to drug use, then I stopped using, but the mental damage was so high that at 23 I had another outbreak.
Currently my mental state is deplorable, I am taking a lot of medication, attending therapy and nothing works.
I am simply isolated from the world, I don't have much memory of periods of my life or of important things, I even find it difficult to retain things from day to day.
So, that's how I find myself today, from having everything to having nothing.
From a dream life to a life of misery because of a few bad decisions.
The consumption of that powder totally ruined my life, as I grew older I started to act worse and worse, I stole, I lied, I manipulated, I exposed myself to situations of extreme violence where I could have died (too bad it didn't happen).
That thing turned me into a person who didn't value his life at all.
I did a lot of crazy things.
Anyway, that was my story, that's how you can ruin a privileged life.
Now I'm going for ctb
Thank you very much for reading me, I am living a real hell.

 

[elduende]

I feel you man. Life with cognitive impairment is tough, I too have severe memory issues because of phone addiction (yes, really), and living like this is fucking hard. But I have learnt that all I had to do was lower my life expectations, I also grew up in a upper middle class family, and all my friends are succesful. Comparing myself to them was hell, until I understood I everyone has it's own path. You can still contribute to society in your own way, even though you might not see it now. Maybe your story can help raise awareness of cocaine addiction, you might save a couple lives just by telling your story.