Discussion How far away from 'normal' do you consider yourself to be?

[Forever Sleep]

I've just read another thread where someone was wishing they were more normal. I find it an interesting idea. I imagine most of us have thought about it at some point or rather, noticed we were different to others. Can you remember when it started occuring to you that you may be different?

I suppose comparitively speaking, my perceived differences were more slight. I never really went through typical stages- the angsty teenager, the girly girl, the promiscuous student, the woman wanting a family. So- interests were usually different for my age and gender.

I suppose I also noticed that socially, I was pretty inept and socially anxious. It seemed so easy for others. I'd get scared stiff at the most stupid times- eg. eating communally, speaking in groups. Parties are absolutely out.

I used to wonder what it felt like to be them. To feel confortable at work and, just get on with their job, rather than battling with so much fear and anxiety. But then, speaking to others that appeared confident, I found out that they worried too so- maybe everyone does in fact have these hang ups. Maybe they're just better at concealing them.

What do you think? Do you feel like you're very different to others or, are there just one or two things you feel different over?

 

[Namelesa]

I would say I am far from being like an average human with things like beliefs, that i am autistic, how i act, what i am good and bad at, etc. Definitely noticed i was different in early years of school where i notice i often had TAs supporting me than others (cus of my autism). I wouldn't say i wish to be like them tho. Only just wish somethings didn't happened in my life so i wouldn't be in this much pain.

 

[Pluto]

 

[whywere]

I have been told that I am so far out there, as I think so extremely different than so many others.

That may or may not be the case, I am terrible at judging myself.

I have always found it funny how I get slammed as being "weird" and/or different, HOWEVER, folks where I have worked through the years seek me out for advice.

We are all the same and still different and that is the spark that makes each and every one of us, intelligent, in work, play, everything that helps push humanity forward.

Walter

 

[woofwag]

Oh I am the furthest thing from it lol. Trans, system, therian, furry, alt, clown, autistic, disabled, severely mentally ill, cringe, just kind of the freak ever. I've accepted it and I know I'm better off for it. No point in suppressing my truth.

 

[jose8128]

There is really no such thing as normal as it pertains to human beings. Every human being is unique and people are often unfairly critical and judgemental of others. Too quick to label someone abnormal but everyone has something about them that's not "normal". It doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing.

 

[EternalHunger]

Well, I mentally don't fit into societal standards or expectations so there's that.

Even if I try to consider each individual unique, there's still a general trend in humanity the majority tends to follow; even outliers are only really relative to others but still mostly follow a general trend of acquired traits, while i just seem so far off from others it hurts.

There is only so many failed relationships and friendships I can take before being forced to acknowledge it must be something about me fundamentally that is just entirely broken, ignoring my autism.

 

[ConfettiSpaghetti]

I'm a disgusting tranny I am as far from normal as I can get in this world. If i try I look like a freak. If I don't I feel disgusted and depressed and no one would be able to understand why so I'd just be a freak who blends in with normal people.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

I'm a disgusting tranny I am as far from normal as I can get in this world. If i try I look like a freak. If I don't I feel disgusted and depressed and no one would be able to understand why so I'd just be a freak who blends in with normal people.

The normal people are absolute insects bottom of the barrel trash that should be rotting at the bottom of the ocean but unfortunately their words and actions have power because this world is an uncaring wasteland that accidentally made life. I understand you but even if I do , I don't know if that's enough and I don't think that's good.

I genuinely think that being suicidal or trans suicidal is like the metaphor where a person is stuck in a hole and in the end his friend jumps in the hole with him and it makes the first guy say "Why did you do that, now we're both stuck" and the friend replies with "Yeah but I know the way out" , holy cope that metaphor, it works for things that can happen, getting your desired sex and gender unfortunately can only be done half assed but for many apparently that's enough so that should also be for me, nope.

Humans will learn how to cope with everything and solve NO problems or admit that some are UNSOLVABLE. It's because they like seeing people like us suffer, deep down, they know it to be true but no one, NO ONE ON EARTH will admit this.(I don't count as admitting it because I have trauma , no healthy human can think like a traumatized one unless they are a 1/1000000 genetic freak which is basically lottery galore AND small sample size so it's pointless, we are too many to say that the few good ones that could understand us matter, no they don't, we are 8 billion, if we were 8 million, I'd agree that the few good people would matter because we might actually meet them.)

I've learned to hate because anger feels better than the emptiness caused by depression.

 

[Brew]

"Normal" leans to many different social areas and groups, I suppose.
It's about how many different groups you are able to feel that you belong to, even if for just a moment

 

[vitbar]

I always felt like I was weird. The older I get the more I realise everyone is strange. Nothing so queer as folk.

 

[FoxSauce]

Honestly yeah Ive been called weird by so many people others say funny which idk if its even true.

I dont fit the "normal" ever since I was a kid. Ofc sometimes the word weird was used as a hurtful insult or maybe a compliment

But now I just accepted that is not a bad thing I rather be out there than a copy for society.

Anyways whats even normal? Theres so many things that is normal than theres no one size fits all thing.

 

[vampire2002]

i've had therapists say "normal doesn't exist." when i was trying to talk about my experiences to them. while i understand what they mean to an extent, i also found it rather annoying as i feel what people know you mean when you say "i wish i was normal" or something like that.
having crippling OCD that makes it difficult to leave my bed, not to mention my house. that's not normal. while i understand most people do put up a facade to appease society's ideals to an extent, i think even those people would consider me abnormal. they would not consider themselves like me. many would find being compared to me or people like me to be insulting.
i'm a bit sidetracked from the original point, but this is something i've heard from mental health professionals that always annoyed me and felt invalidating to my actual deviations from the norm. i find the "nobody is normal" mindset to be something normal people like to say to make themselves feel more unique in some way. at the same time, they treat people with more prominent abnormalities as though we're defective in whatever way.
i do truly wish i could live a more normal life like i once was able to before my OCD got out of control. not to say it was ever perfect, hell i struggled with mental health and social ostracization for the vast majority of my life, but i was at least a functioning student able to go to high school and interact with other people every day back then. nowadays, my family really looks down on me and views me as nothing but a burden because i can no longer force myself into the mold they feel i am supposed to fill in society.

 

[princexhhn]

I've been different since forever, i remember being in the first grade wondering why i couldnt fit in with anybody. Feeling like im on the outside of the inside everyone seems to be part of. Or maybe im totally overreacting, who knows!

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I tend to think before and after, since I only became suicidal just about a year ago. But, if I'm honest with myself looking back, I'm not sure I was ever normal. My choices over the years for whatever reasons would not be considered the norm for a female at any given age, and it never felt like I belonged. But being different, or doing weird things, is not necessarily abnormal. I thought I was fine too, but maybe my eyes opened up when my little world collapsed. I'm sure I appear normal mentally to colleagues (with faking), but I think if I'd ctb, some people may get why I chose to. Because how could a normal person make such extreme wrong choices, never be happy, always alone, and yet continue to struggle on the same empty path.

Another thought, if I appear normal to the outside world, how many other suicidal people are out there, appearing to be normal? I know we are the minority, but another suicidal person disguised as a normie may just be closer than we expect. And in this world of today I doubt all normies could be for real, if not in denial, then maybe hiding behind alcohol (like I used to), or some other addiction. Maybe it's even more normal to want to die, as opposed to wanting to live?

Maybe the amount of faking we do could be seen as how much we deviate from what we perceive normal to be. As for me, some days are harder to keep it together. If I could rate my "having to pretend" in terms of intensity and frequency from 0-10, with 0 being the norm, I'd rate myself a 10 for frequency (daily) and a 5 for intensity for today (not too dark, but not light either). I wonder how much pretending we all do.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I tend to think before and after, since I only became suicidal just about a year ago. But, if I'm honest with myself looking back, I'm not sure I was ever normal. My choices over the years for whatever reasons would not be considered the norm for a female at any given age, and it never felt like I belonged. But being different, or doing weird things, is not necessarily abnormal. I thought I was fine too, but maybe my eyes opened up when my little world collapsed. I'm sure I appear normal mentally to colleagues (with faking), but I think if I'd ctb, some people may get why I chose to. Because how could a normal person make such extreme wrong choices, never be happy, always alone, and yet continue to struggle on the same empty path.

Another thought, if I appear normal to the outside world, how many other suicidal people are out there, appearing to be normal? I know we are the minority, but another suicidal person disguised as a normie may just be closer than we expect. And in this world of today I doubt all normies could be for real, if not in denial, then maybe hiding behind alcohol (like I used to), or some other addiction. Maybe it's even more normal to want to die, as opposed to wanting to live?

Maybe the amount of faking we do could be seen as how much we deviate from what we perceive normal to be. As for me, some days are harder to keep it together. If I could rate my "having to pretend" in terms of intensity and frequency from 0-10, with 0 being the norm, I'd rate myself a 10 for frequency (daily) and a 5 for intensity for today (not too dark, but not light either). I wonder how much pretending we all do.

That's probably a good measure of it really- how much pretending we have to do to fit in. It's been a while since I've been around people. Probably because all the faking becomes so tiring.

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

I feel like I was given a differently tuned instrument to everyone else in the orchestra and when I play it it ruins the flow for everybody.

This is a very palpable feeling for me. Seeing other people interact looks like a certain continuous flow and whenever I try to involve myself in it it always comes to an abrupt stop or goes into an unwanted direction.

 

[mychois]

I've just read another thread where someone was wishing they were more normal. I find it an interesting idea. I imagine most of us have thought about it at some point or rather, noticed we were different to others. Can you remember when it started occuring to you that you may be different?

I suppose comparitively speaking, my perceived differences were more slight. I never really went through typical stages- the angsty teenager, the girly girl, the promiscuous student, the woman wanting a family. So- interests were usually different for my age and gender.

I suppose I also noticed that socially, I was pretty inept and socially anxious. It seemed so easy for others. I'd get scared stiff at the most stupid times- eg. eating communally, speaking in groups. Parties are absolutely out.

I used to wonder what it felt like to be them. To feel confortable at work and, just get on with their job, rather than battling with so much fear and anxiety. But then, speaking to others that appeared confident, I found out that they worried too so- maybe everyone does in fact have these hang ups. Maybe they're just better at concealing them.

What do you think? Do you feel like you're very different to others or, are there just one or two things you feel different over?

I think I am far from normal in the eyes of other people.

 

[AntsInARow]

I feel subhuman. I'm probably not too different from the average NEET but compared to most people there's a pretty massive gulf.

 

[westerly_merlin]

So far from normal I have gone round the world and back at normal again

 

[traumer]

I mean I have a learning disability so the feeling occured when I first started getting education at the age of 6. I was always so much slower than my peers, always needed special care and stuff </3

 

[Zyntkalla]

I mean I have a learning disability so the feeling occured when I first started getting education at the age of 6. I was always so much slower than my peers, always needed special care and stuff </3

I feel the same way. It always bothers me to this day. And on top of the same issues as you I also found out it effects my right eye also. That was definitely the last straw for me.

 

[anonymousperson]

I feel I appear pretty "normal". Had a pretty good childhood, parents that loved me and sacrificed so much for me (one of the reasons I have not CTB yet is that I cannot bear to break their hearts and cause them so much pain, but once they are gone I plan to do it, especially given how much emotional pain I will feel).

On the outside I look like a successful person and no one would have any idea how depressed I am. I've planned to CTB since I was a kid. Not sure why, I just always planned to in my head knew it would come to that. Could not see myself growing old and never understood the point of life when it's all effort, pain, suffering and misery. Yeah, there are pleasurable parts but I never understood why people wanted to live so badly.

I was a perfectionist, did super well in school, graduated with 4.5 GPA in HS as the valedictorian, finished college with 4.0, was top of the class in med school, went onto become a doctor. Really regret that I didn't go into anesthesiology because it would make CTB SO freaking easy and painless having access and the knowledge of those type of drugs.

Anyways, I have no reason to live once my parents die. I made the mistake to focus on grades and never dated or got any relationship experience. I just was too shy and never thought ANY guys were interested in me. I am now in my mid 30s and a virgin....heck I've never even KISSED a boy. It's very embarrassing and quite depressing. At this age, I just am way too awkward and inexperienced to even fathom ever finding a partner and kids is out of the question as I am way too afraid to ever be pregnant on top of not having much time left. I definitely have autistic tendencies but am really good at "masking" so it was never diagnosed or even brought up as a possibility. I could never open up to anyone enough to have a relationship anyways, just too afraid of being rejected and also think why the hell would someone want to be with me with all my weirdness, boringness, average looks, and quirks.