How does your Survival Instinct affect you?

[hfdepression30]

Everyone thinks, feels and reacts differently so I wonder during your previous attempts, how did your SI affect you in that moment?

Were you crying or having a breakdown? Were you relatively calm but had building anxiety? Were you panicking?

Also were you sober or had you drank/taken something?

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in my previous attempts, I was never highly emotional, never cried, but would get sudden spurts of panic and anxiety as soon as I started my attempts which were all hangings. First time I was extremely drunk (intentionally), other times I was sober.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

As soon as I really felt pressure around my neck I panicked hard and felt like I hadn't taken a breath in two minutes.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I can work through survival instinct when I'm awake. I'll drunk or take drugs. I find when I'm setting myself up to do it I start eroding it away over time. I make my life so awful that I only have one logical way out; ruin myself financially, cut myself off from everyone and everything, burn bridges and make it so I know the world will be a better place without me. Si to me isn't what stops me physically doing it it's mentally what's at stake so I have to get rid of that. Once that's all gone it becomes a no brainer more than something I can't do
Saying that I have never succeeded so there's more to it than that. I've saved myself 3 times when I was unconscious. I didn't think that was possible. Knowing that getting unconscious isn't the end makes it harder to try

 

[Trisolaris]

It just kept me from doing what needed to be done. When I tried partial I stopped in the middle and when I thought about jumping I just couldn't do it.

 

[WornOutLife]

Last year, when I really tried to ctb, I was extremely anxious and nervous about what was coming next.

However, the more alcohol I drank, the more my SI disappeared and I felt much more relaxed.

I would really like to ctb while drinking alcohol but I probably won't be able to do it because my methods might be SN or N.

 

[hfdepression30]

Last year, when I really tried to ctb, I was extremely anxious and nervous about what was coming next.

However, the more alcohol I drank, the more my SI disappeared and I felt much more relaxed.

I would really like to ctb while drinking alcohol but I probably won't be able to do it because my methods might be SN or N.

I think if I'm going with the charcoal method I'll have to put myself into a different mindset. Maybe just pretend I'm bringing the coals into my room for warm rather than the CO. Seal my room quickly and put on Netflix or something to distract myself, lay on the bed until I fall asleep and let it happen. I've got more than enough charcoal to produce the CO that will be fatal, and I've done a lot of research and study which ensures that my plan has a high likelihood of succeeding. Not sure if I'll drink or not though.. I guess it depends how nervous or anxious I feel.

 

[Meditation guide]

My survival instinct runs the show. It makes the decisions. It will cause me to panic and scream and sabotage anything.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

I was calm, drunk and very sure that is what I must do. I was happy actually. But last memory what I have, was that I yelled help for some reason :( Well no one didn't hear that, but still someone found me just before it was too late. So probably I'm doing something like that next time too and need to think how I don't do that...

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

mine is gone at this point