Help How does one be a mother for themselves?

[zekeyaeger]

I did not get motherly affection as a kid and that has been the core problem for me. I do not love myself. Lack of self love leads to being dependent on other people for approval for the rest of your life, and that often leads to depression and suicide. Had anyone succeeded in reparenting themselves? I have tried a bunch of self compassion and inner child work, and Internal Family Systems too. Things just don't work for me, I am so fucking stuck and don't know how to get out of this mental hell.

 

[Regen]

Oh yes, that is also a deep cause of my problems. The lack of self-love has destroyed all other areas of life.

I have a very loud inner critic who complains to me all day long. If I manage to notice that the inner critic is speaking again, that is an important first step. Then think about where the inner critic's sentences come from, who is speaking (for me, usually my mother). Then think about what my therapist would think about it. Or what would I say to someone I really like? Or imagine the critic as a person who I throw out the door every now and then. So disempowering my inner critic helps me feel a little better.

But I'm very curious to see what others say, because I also find it incredibly difficult to love myself... I also think this is a very important point for healing.

 

[LapseInTime]

I feel that, what's " " worked" " for me is to work towards not needing one, not needing a mother, coming to terms with the fact that mine's nothing but a serial liar and reckless. I've tried to make things a little bit more bearable by erasing the idea that I need one. The more I think about my "ideal" mother, the more I get disgusted and resentful towards the one I have, I get sadder because I know it'll never be true. I honestly think that bad enough parenting can lead you towards rejecting all and every forms of it. It's also helped me that I distance myself from what she does and doing my best to never, for however much I live, do anything remotely similar. I've fallen, but not so low.