Venting How do you get over the fear of dying

[agony1996]

I have a deadline to ctb and it's getting closer but I am absolutely terrified.
I know I can not continue living, isolated in my house for the last six months, for fear of seeing anyone, just buried away in my emotional pain, suffering day in and day out, feeling all sorts of emotions from sad, lonely, angry and petrified.
This pain is killing me and just when I think that it couldn't get any worse it does. How much pain can a human being take. I can't anymore but like I said I'm so scared, scared at the actual act of dying, the moment I stop breathing, the moment I go unconscious. I keep imagining myself in a coffin and it freaks me out, what if I'm still alive and they put me in the coffin.
I know I have to end my pain but I'm so scared how can I get over that fear? It's paralyzing.

 

[JaegerCA]

I don't think you can really plan a suicide without fear of dying, losing that fear is a more in the moment impulsive thing.

 

[agony1996]

I don't think you can really plan a suicide without fear of dying, losing that fear is a more in the moment impulsive thing.

Yeah that's the answer I was afraid of.
The thing is you have to make arrangements like leaving suicide notes, which is another huge obstacle taking care of financial matters.
Why does it have to be so hard for us

 

[artemisdusk]

The more I've thought about it, the more comfortable I've gotten with the idea. I've had a lot of experience with death in the past few years, and had the fairly traumatic experience of being alone with my grandmother when she passed from cancer years ago. I found myself constantly thinking of death and what it would feel like. It's the feeling that scared me. The idea of slow suffering and the loss of autonomy that I saw in my grandmother. But the idea of being able to go on my own terms is comforting. I know that at some point I will be in a position where continuing to live will feel like more trouble than it's worth. When going on is truly unbearable, I don't think I'll have any hesitation left. But it took time, a lot of thinking, and feeling a lot of fear to get to this point. These days the idea of not having access to what I need to ctb feels scarier than the act itself.

 

[agony1996]

The more I've thought about it, the more comfortable I've gotten with the idea. I've had a lot of experience with death in the past few years, and had the fairly traumatic experience of being alone with my grandmother when she passed from cancer years ago. I found myself constantly thinking of death and what it would feel like. It's the feeling that scared me. The idea of slow suffering and the loss of autonomy that I saw in my grandmother. But the idea of being able to go on my own terms is comforting. I know that at some point I will be in a position where continuing to live will feel like more trouble than it's worth. When going on is truly unbearable, I don't think I'll have any hesitation left. But it took time, a lot of thinking, and feeling a lot of fear to get to this point. These days the idea of not having access to what I need to ctb feels scarier than the act itself.

I'm so sorry you had to be in that situation. It must have been really scary I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother.
Maybe having experiences with death made you immune to it, which in a way is good.
My grandmother who I loved dearly passed away too, I remember touching her in the coffin and saying she's so cold out a blanket on her and this was in my late twenties but that's the only experience I've had.
I wish I can somehow come to terms with the the act of dying and not having it be this intense fear.

 

[artemisdusk]

I'm so sorry you had to be in that situation. It must have been really scary I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother.
Maybe having experiences with death made you immune to it, which in a way is good.
My grandmother who I loved dearly passed away too, I remember touching her in the coffin and saying she's so cold out a blanket on her and this was in my late twenties but that's the only experience I've had.
I wish I can somehow come to terms with the the act of dying and not having it be this intense fear.

Thank you. It was a surreal experience, and I wouldn't wish the sight on anyone. I'm sorry for your loss as well. The hardest part of dealing with the death of loved ones is the finality of it. The harsh reality that the door of communication is forever closed. Coming to terms with our own deaths is something that just takes time and effort to process. Whether it's by our own hands, to illness, or simply old age. It's probably true that my personal experiences have helped quell my own fears. I've seen 3 family members pass from cancer and one truly from old age. They all had to go through the process of accepting the inevitable, and seeing them work through that is likely what's contributed the most to helping me be less afraid.

 

[indefinitesleep]

I just try meditate and rationalize why this is the right decision and how itll be the escape from anything thatll be much worse, its a trippy thought though just to not exist forever when thats all youve ever known. Overtime just dwelling on death and the nothingness after it makes me feel more comfortable I think for when I actually ctb, then again though wont know until that day comes how Ill rlly feel.