How do you feel right now?

[Require_love]

I feel useless, unlovable, and hopeless

 

[FoxSauce]

Tired but mostly nothing maybe is the lithium-

 

[JaJu]

I got promoted, but that made my life worse if that even sounds possible. The amount of stress is 10x my previous job and I'm receiving more pressure and reminder to do a better job as time goes by. I feel stuck because even if I want to leave, I'm not in a situation where I feel I'm able to. Literally kill me.

 

[L9 CHOCOSYRUP]

i feel so MOTIVATED and LOCKED IN
IM ON THE GRIND RIGHT NOW!!!

 

[JaJu]

Should I quit my job? My manager will seriously hate me and talk bad about me to everyone if I do for leaving at the worst time possible when it's incredibly busy and we're short staffed.. but I am desperately longing for peace and no more stress.. I dread thinking about going to work every night before bed..

 

[attheend13]

À very strange combination of clarity and numbness

 

[The Morningstar]

Stupid: I have an extra day's worth of pills in my pill sorter, which means I forgot to take them at some point. UGH!

 

[miq2k]

Nostalgic for a feeling I never felt. Im sad, I just want to be home. I feel miserable.

Home.
I know im not supposed to feel home there. But I do. And where I'm at now is anything but safety to me.
I want to go back. Feels like I've been going crazy these past few months. Loosing my capability for love, just letting resentment grow more and more. Worst part is i have people to blame but under no circumstances can I ever blame them.

If you're the people responsible — reading this after my future death: who the fuck were you to have dictatorship over MY life.

Curse them, curse your names in my sleep, curse you with ur own stupid religion allowing you to step on my humanity. But nah, under the justification of god it's all fine.

 

[purplesky9]

Terrible. I'm probably going to get fired tomorrow. I wish I could kill myself right now.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

Chill AF

 

[thebiggestduck17]

lonely

 

[lemonandcapers]

I feel unmotivated and conflicted in my thoughts. A part of me wants to recover, but I know there are so many things I would need to address before completely ditching my plan to CTB

 

[ForsakenEcho]

I woke up feeling sad today, but I don't really know why. I usually don't remember my dreams when I wake up. Still, sometimes I find myself crying or on the verge of tears, just feeling low.

I'm hoping I can find something to lift my mood during the day — otherwise, I'll probably just spend the rest of it under the blanket.

 

[JaJu]

Dreaming about being able to wake up every morning this summer just not worrying about going to work and being able to peacefully garden.. but I guess that'd only go so far before my self-worth starts to decline for not having a professional career, making money and supporting myself financially.. if only there was a perfect job out there..

 

[rururiruru]

it's always like that

 

[Grog]

Scared. Dreadful.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Today it turned out that I had made a huge mistake at work, even though my tasks are considered to be "easy". I feel so useless.

I'm good at learning from mistakes. But I mess things up too often, so I learn a lot of things, at the expense of others. I'm such a hopeless sinner.

I've recovered a lot last year, but I might ruin my life with my own mistakes.

 

[nitrogenous]

I feel conflicted. Part of me wants to ctb, yet part of me believes or hopes that maybe I could be saved….

 

[hiiiii]

i am so exhausted. i'm in my mid 20s living with my mom and sharing a room with my 11 year old sister. no friends, no romantic prospects. i live in a small suburban town with nothing to do. all of the fun and interesting events are at least an hour away, but i have a raggedy 30 year old car that i do not feel safe driving even 25 miles away.
i am constantly being rejected from horribly paid entry level shit-eating positions (receptionist, office/admin assistant, mailroom) even with a bachelors degree and experience, and when i do manage to land an interview i can not even make it past the phone screen. wages are falling and i live in an area of the US with a very high cost of living. it's like i'm asking for the bare minimum necessary for survival and constantly being told that i am delusional for thinking i deserve that. i feel completely worthless and don't know what to do with myself.

i am in recovery, but i came very close to ctb this week. i bought cornhole bags and ratchet straps for night night method, but i had second thoughts so i tried to cancel the order. it was too late to cancel the cornhole bags so i still have those. i keep trying to tell myself that this is rock bottom and just a very very rough segment of my life that i will live to see the end of, but it feels less realistic every day. i can't talk to my mom about it because she is just not helpful or comforting when it comes to mental health stuff, and i would rather be shot than start crying to people on discord about SI.
i don't want to check myself into an intensive inpatient program because the only hospitals covered by my shitty poor people insurance are notorious for abuse and ultimately don't care about me or my mental health. i don't think i'll ever get out of this hole. and no one can help me.
there are so many things that i want to experience but haven't had the chance to because i'm always either extremely mentally unwell or broke or both. the thought of dying without having those formative experiences kept me from ctb for awhile, but now i'm not so sure that i care anymore. nothing feels worth staying alive for.