@ThatStateOfMind and @Gangrel - I did go through a bad breakup but it's been over 6 months. I'm trying to move on and find love again. But I feel so bad while dating when a guy does something so sweet and I don't feel the butterflies like I should.
I made that post because night a man I've seen a few times got me flowers and my favorite candy because he knew I had a hard week. He kissed me for the first time and we cuddled while watching a movie. It was storybook perfect, but I feel so empty.
Do you think with time that I'll get butterflies with him or with another? He's so gentle and kind, he doesn't give me an adrenaline rush like my last relationship. Which I know is healthy but I think my body is not used to it.
Yeah 6 months is still pretty recent if the love was deep and I felt pretty similarly 6 months post-breakup. It's difficult to move on and not really something that can be completely forced, you mat still be hung up on your previous love to some degree, even if subconsciously.
It doesn't matter how sweet the gesture might be because in your mind, it doesn't feel the same, at least that's how it was for me. You know it's a sweet gesture and the person means the absolute best. You can acknowledge it's sweet but at the same time, it doesn't cause those butterflies you associated previously with it.
As for if I believe you'll get butterflies again, be it with him or someone else, my answer is yes. It might take some time and it might be nonlinear, but I do think it will eventually happen. Also, I know some people get those butterflies in the beginning and it dies off over time once you're with the person. It could be that you're missing the chase of a new relationship, but of course that is a feeling that is impossible to last. I do think eventually, you'll feel those butterflies, just gotta give it time, you certainly can't make it happen.
when i had my first painful breakup i realized i was really deep into limerence and a lot of limerence is about that adrenaline rush. with other people i wouldn't get that dopamine spike i was previously associating with love because i was limerent over someone else.
i'm not suggesting you're limerent, just maybe not over your past relationship yet, and the only thing that the "reward system" on your brain accepts as a reward is the person you were with previously. what worked from me was going no contact fully, 0 interactions and 0 online stalking.
it was hard at first because when i was trying to meet other people i'd feel this dullness you described and that made the need to go back to my last partner even stronger, even though i knew our relationship would never work. now that i'm able to be more detached, i started feeling a little of these adrenaline rushes again but in a somehow healthier way. i feel it but i don't crave it all the time.
sorry for the rant lol basically it takes time and in some cases also a bit of self discipline and introspection. how does your last partner still affect your life? moving on doesn't happen naturally for everyone. i think that for some of us there's work to be done
This is the first I've heard of this term, "limerance," and I feel it accurately described how I felt after my breakup, and a large cause of it was remaining in contact with the person.
