AllCatsAreGrey
they/he
- Sep 27, 2023
- 280
This is something I've been thinking about lately. (For context, I have attempted 4 times. I've had several impulsive urges that I derailed. Ideation is super common for me.) It seems to me that how we define recovery will frame how we feel about our chances of succeeding. This is made all the more difficult by typical approaches of suicidology in institutional mental health. The angle of "suicide is always bad" was a huge hinderance in my recovery journey. This effectively forced me to hide my thinking about it from most people. The aura of taboo on the subject made me afraid of it. Being in a space where being pro-choice is the norm has been super helpful for me. For a long time ideation has scared me, as if it would overcome me. Coming to a clear pro-choice position has been empowering. It's a choice (a right even), not a psychological demon (pathology) to fear.
In my current notion of recovery I don't feel researching methods to be counter to my recovery. In fact it's important to a rational choice. Understanding the challenges informs my choice.
A big thing I'm doing currently in my recovery is considering what a rational trigger to CBT would be for me. (I'm not going to share that as it's particular to me. I understand we all have different parameters and lived experience. No one can understand our personal suffering. I feel that it's a right to define that for ourselves, no one can do that for us.) In the past this thinking would feel like a recovery fail. Now, I think that even if my life ends in CBT, it would be valid if rational and well considered.
In the past I've felt forced to stay here; resentful of the things stopping me. Choice was removed and I felt trapped. I definitely didn't choose to be here in the first place, but now that I'm here I have to consider so many things. As it's a choice, I've incorporated the importance of being rational about it into my recovery. With this reframing that the community here has helped foster, I feel like I've been provided with more padding before hitting the guard rails - so to say - making recovery achievable.
I'm curious to hear how others here in the recovery side of SaSu define it. How has that developed for you? What are current things you're working on?
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"What saved me is the idea of suicide. Without the idea of suicide I would have surely killed myself." - Emil Cioran
In my current notion of recovery I don't feel researching methods to be counter to my recovery. In fact it's important to a rational choice. Understanding the challenges informs my choice.
A big thing I'm doing currently in my recovery is considering what a rational trigger to CBT would be for me. (I'm not going to share that as it's particular to me. I understand we all have different parameters and lived experience. No one can understand our personal suffering. I feel that it's a right to define that for ourselves, no one can do that for us.) In the past this thinking would feel like a recovery fail. Now, I think that even if my life ends in CBT, it would be valid if rational and well considered.
In the past I've felt forced to stay here; resentful of the things stopping me. Choice was removed and I felt trapped. I definitely didn't choose to be here in the first place, but now that I'm here I have to consider so many things. As it's a choice, I've incorporated the importance of being rational about it into my recovery. With this reframing that the community here has helped foster, I feel like I've been provided with more padding before hitting the guard rails - so to say - making recovery achievable.
I'm curious to hear how others here in the recovery side of SaSu define it. How has that developed for you? What are current things you're working on?
---
"What saved me is the idea of suicide. Without the idea of suicide I would have surely killed myself." - Emil Cioran
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